drunken goat cheese

yes! it's really good. try it. it's an aged, firm goat cheese that comes waxed. and it is delicious. not quite as sharp as cheddar, but it has a really nice flavor nonetheless.

it's fairly expensive though. i bought a wedge for like 5 dollars last night. however, i was at the houston whole-y-fuck-more-like-'expensive'-foods.

sorry. try the cheese though.

a post a post look it's a post

sorry, internet, i've been elsewhere in my thoughts recently.

fear. i need to write about fear. it's holding me back a great deal. i don't think it is a lack of confidence, which is a kind of fear, but rather a true, profound fear that is holding me back and causing me to react negatively and pull asshole shit onstage and off. that is improv specific. the thing i need to work on with stand up is mostly just slowing down and saying things more deliberately. i have conversational down, a little more polish wouldn't hurt. and i am not eddie izzard, i don't get an hour and half to ramble on. and i wouldn't wear heels do it, either.

okay switching to strictly british comedian updates, away from any thoughts about my insecurities or short-comings, i am watching youtube clips of QI, the british quiz show hosted by stephen fry. i absolutely adore it, and was going to post about it anyway because it has the ability to almost instantly lift and improve my mood, which has been inching steadily towards the dangerously black for the last few days - however, stephen just directly quoted 'the restaurant at the end of the universe' in a question and i teared up a little. that NEVER happens on american television. i think this means i must move to london.

also, they swear a lot. <3

wikipedia!

it's nice to feel justified in wikipedia article hopping. i am reading about marie curie. fascinating!

a friend's status message reminded me about the dismemberment plan, which means i am now listening to emergency & i and it's great!

long post coming up whenever i can finish it.

i feel like i am having an allergy attack, but it's been for like 2 days straight, which is weird. i definitely don't feel like i have a cold. and my eyes are itchy, which is usually straight allergies. i got some chlortrimeton (the best allergy medicine) so i should stop pussy-footing around and just use it. or at least put it in my bag so i have it if i want to use it.

i want to go up to the sacred paper goods closet and steal some lotiony tissues, but i have a stack of brown paper napkins at my desk that i should use up.

worst update ever? polls say yes.

nearly maximum exhaustion levels, captain

i have a busy month coming in january. i've already had the first of my two installments of the lorelei (!); booking them is often a struggle for me, and then the actual shows themselves are usually pretty stressful. this last one was less so though; i tried to relax about the jokes i was writing (aka planning on writing... okay wrote while walking from the train to the venue) and did one riff entirely off the cuff, which was nice. and the show on the 18th is almost totally booked, possibly. so less stress, right? hopefully.

in january, i have class two nights a week this whole month. monday and wednesday. i was exhausted by the thought of it ON monday. and the necessary hanging-out-afterwards time. and harold night (8-12:30ish). and i intern on thursdays from 6 until nearly 11. and then there's cagematch after that.... oh no.

wait! friday! free, lovely friday! no. i am going to a historical society. and then probably seeing a show and going out to celebrate a night when i CAN go out. well i can do my laundry and regain my sanity on saturday then, right? oh wait, no, i have to ride the train sans pants on saturday. well saturday night then! no, i am doing stand up at a show besides my own... okay fine... sunday. sunday works.

living for sunday.

oh shit i need a roommate still. fuck. and a place to live come may. and my tub is leaking and my fire alarm was found by me in two pieces on the floor when i came home from my winter holidays break. and i dropped my ipod nearly onto the train tracks the other night when it fell out of my pocket. i nearly lost it. thank goodness for my crazy-protective ipod case.

and i haven't been to sleep before 3 am once this week.

enough manufactured stress for one post. i leave you with this, fans of 'the office': http://princessunicorndoll.com/legend.shtml
thanks, neil.

um UGH

one of my favorite things about my job is the bathrooms. the regular bathrooms are really nice; great soap, good size, good light, actually kept clean (at my old job, none of those things were true). however, there is also a private, handicapped accessible, genderless bathroom on every floor for available for private pooping, dancing, just making weird noises for no reason and/or just moaning. anyway, it's awesome. however, today as i lifted my pants up after partaking in the private bathroom awesomeness, i felt something WET... there had been some it-better-have-been-water on the floor and somehow a fold of my pants had been... dipped into it. FUCK. THAT. ewwwww yuck yuck yuck. i have class tonight, and no time to change, and these are my default 'nice' jeans. damn it. and i don't have time to do laundry until FRIDAY night so it looks like i will be operating on a minus 1 jeans default until then. bummer.

a thing i hate myself for: having the same thought as everyone else about something. does that not make sense? i dunno. here's an example: we have a giant glass bottle of listerine in the bathroom. it's not really a bottle, it's a tank. a 3 gallon tank of listerine. sometime in early october, it ran out and wasn't replaced. i silently took it as a sign of the economic downturn. however, right before our holiday party, the giant listerine tank returned. i thought to myself 'ha! looks like the depression is over!' in a tongue-in-cheek, sardonic manner. while at the holiday party, talking to some of my co-workers, someone mentioned the listerine tank, and immediately two people went 'omg looks like the depression is over! omglollol!11'... and i felt like an asshole. i'm presenting my thoughts onstage as a comedian, and yet i had the same damn, stupid quip as two random people? unacceptable, right? what the fuck gives me the right to go on a stage and hold a microphone and dispense my thoughts like some kind of expert when two assholes off the street had the same exact thought as me? and said it quicker in the conversation? i am being both overdramatic and an 'i'm so smart'- elist, but my skin does crawl when this happens. i kind of hate all my stupid jokes for that reason. i still tell some of them, generally because they get a good reaction, but a little more of my soul dies every time i do. sigh. i am out of my mind.

regardless, i had a fun show last night! yay! three GREAT duos, dc pierson rocked the jokes and a hobbled together team of nearly veteran improvisers closed the show and brought the house down. i like that 'my' generation of people in the improv community are getting to the point where they can play with anyone and still have a ton of fun onstage. we aren't clinging to our established teams, stuck firmly to whatever identity or 'character' we play with that team. i mean, to be fair, any group that has as many spontaneous improv jams as we do will rapidly get over issues with playing with new people, but i felt the need to make the point anyway. the point being is that we are pretty fucking awesome.

the lorelei can be super fucking fun. last month, when it wasn't fun, i was in a funk for a week. and i call it a funk, but that's being fairly blase about it. it's fucking awful when it's bad. but when it's great... it's the greatest feeling. everyone in the performing arts should see 'the wrestler'. anyway, the show is moving to twice a month, so on january 18th, anyone in the area can come see me do it again! and ideally have written more jokes for it!

okay. new class starts tonight. i am fucking PSYCHED. we managed to figure out like 70% of the people in the class in roughly 2 days, so i am partially just excited to see the ones we didn't figure out. but like 90% of my excitement is in having joe wengert as a teacher again. i haven't had him since i was in 301, which feels like it was roughly 20 years ago, and i am thrilled to have the experience again. he's my favorite teacher!

yay comedy!

excessive blogging will recommence tomorrow at 9 am

but i need to post this really quickly before i veg out for a bit: 12 ounces of muenster cheese is 6.99 at whole foods. SEVEN DOLLARS. PRE-POST-ER-OUS.

fun show tonight! but now i need to go eat some hugely expensive cheese sandwiches, CHECKYALATER.

allergies suck

my immune system seems to be rebelling on behalf of my 'secret' anxiety to never leave my home or comfort zone. i had some allergy symptoms while in maine, which is kind of ridiculous, because it's fucking the middle of winter and there can't be that much difference in the indoor allergens in my grandparent's house and a rental home and the allergens in my big, east harlem, not all that clean, OLD townhouse in new york. not to mention a disgusting, definitely mildewy basement in chelsea. and now i am in new jersey, and it's the same damn thing. my eyes are itchy as hell, and i've taken benadryl, which i hope explains my near-catatonic stupor right now. sure, it's 3:30 in the morning, but that is barely late for me. i've had the equivalent of like one drink. this is miserable.

i can't tell if it is getting colder in here, or if i just am not moving enough to generate a base level of reasonable body temperature.

also someone took my ipod off, which i fucking HATE. oh SHIT you gotta be KIDDING me, nick drake is on THIS playlist and it's fine, but on MY playlist, it's like the WORST music you've ever heard? suck my cock. fuck. that.

party was pretty fun last night. i had too much champagne and cookies. i was also 'informed' by someone: "you are very pretty and you seem nice, but you are [such a mean person], you'd be so great (drunken incoherence) [why do you have to make my dick sad because if you were a nice, good girl i would want to get my dick wet in your holes]. to which i reply: because i fucking want to. i will be 'me' on my terms, all the time. also, if you think saying things like that is 'charmingly frank' and not 'totally fucking rude', i will continue to verbally eviscerate you at every SLIGHTEST provacation. that is a general, all-inclusive 'you'.

i think my hip is arthritic. that's overdramatic, but it hurts like hell and has for like 4 days.

happy new year, internet.