this is my journal

isn't it pretty? i think so.

emoodtional

Yeah, that was terrible.

I have a few thoughts I will hobble together.

I bought a new pretty journal for keeping track of my moods. The pages are color coded; purple for happy and related contenment, red for rage and related obsessions, blue-green for sad sack bitching. I hope I am able to keep it up, and I think it might help my efforts to be more rational in my assessment of my own behavior. Is it weird that I am trying to do that? I think it is.

I am considering stopping drinking soda. As much. Cutting back on stuff generally. I suppose it is standard to feel fat and gross and squidgy when the weather turns nicer. Did I mention cottage-cheesy and pale and a variety of other skin-based issues?

On that attractive note, I've had SUCH relationship envy lately. I am not sure what's bringing it about. Maybe just impending 26-dom. But combined with my sudden interest in potentially putting my mouth on other mouths... it's a weird time in katey-land, internet.

My life has thus far been starved in the realm of experience.

I don't think it's possible to truly articulate heartbreak rationally with words. And that's why we have art.

My legs are so tired. I wore my sort-of-heeled flats on Saturday and then accidentally did a lot of walking in them. For the evening I switched to sneakers so it was okay. Today it was NINETY FIVE DEGREES outside so I broke out the sandals. They're comfortable, but not supportive enough so my feets get tired almost immediately, which I hate. My feet seem to be hot-wired directly into my 'function-normally' center of my brain. I honestly don't understand people who can just kick around in whatever, or barefoot. The higher-functioning aspects of my brain sort of shut off if my feet are not totally supported and dry and warm. If someone were to make a Maslow's pyramid of needs for me (about me?), the base would be: food, then foot comfort, then rest of clothes, then emotional support system, then Starbucks.

Regardless, I spent the day walking around in my sandals, until I got to Shoemania and bought an entirely different pair of summer shoes. They are probably ugly, but they are comfortable and cool (temperature-wise) so WHATEVEERRRRR FASHION SUCK MY DICK!

Then I walked some more, slightly more comfortably. It really was beautiful out. My skin smells like air and sun and all the good parts of summer in New York City. Jealous?

Today's Random Note From My Notebook:
remember this good feeling and choose at every moment to pursue such contentment.

it can be that simple.

HERE BE DRAGONS, AND THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU.

guess what country has the best flag? WALES DOES BECAUSE IT HAS A DRAGON!

they aren’t even a real country and they still have the best flag. jealous, america? well you should have thought of that before you decided to invest in pussy straight lines and intersecting diagonals INSTEAD OF A DRAGON.

another quote about humanity

You have this thing you call... boredom! It is the rarest talent in the universe! We heard a song - it went 'Twinkle twinkle little star...' What power! What wondrous power! You can take a billion trillion tons of flaming matter, a furnace of unimaginable strength, and turn it into a little song for children! You build little worlds, little stories, little shells around your mind, and that keeps infinity at bay and allows you to wake up in the morning without screaming!

-Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

lyrics to 'a new day at midnight' THE SONG

oh my word i've never seen
a day so golden, earth so green
put my face into the street
that i might see what might have been
all my heart time has flowed
feet that pass along the stone
i hardly recognize my home
all the paths that've overgrown
the music and the laughter gone

oh my soul it never felt
so free of all the chains i built
all the shame and all the guilt
are vanished now beneath the silt
i'm striding across orion's belt

oh my word i have
oh my word i have
oh my word i
oh my word i...

i have been trying to find the lyrics to this song for awhile. it's confused by the fact that david gray named an album 'a new day at midnight' without including the song 'a new day at midnight' on the album. however, the lyrics issue is TRIPLY confused by the fact that the phrase 'a new day at midnight' doesn't appear in the song at all either. which is pretty unusual for mr. gray. and i can only find one mediocre quality recording online, confused, again, by the title.

in 2007 (at least) he played the song a few times live, explaining that the song was inspired by his reaction to the birth of his daughter not proceeding as simply as he expected it to be (aw). interesting (to me) because he's notoriously private about his personal life.

actually, none of the key words in the name appear in the song. sigh. regardless, here are the lyrics as i have transcribed them (poorly). link that, internet!

the limitations of blogger become clearer.

Nicole: I did not realize

that during the entire whole foods bit

you were wearing a moustache

like, it didn't register

we are insane

i changed the name of my blog.

and now for an unrelated story: last friday night i walked across manhattan wearing a fake* black moustache. and surprisingly, got a ridiculous number of compliments from all manner of passersby. it was an interesting experiment, and fascinating that every comment i heard (at least) was either overtly complimentary or neutral in tone. admittedly a fair number of those comments were a just a way of letting their friends know that they just saw a girl with a moustache walk by, but it was still interesting that they oriented them in a positive manner.

the best one i got was from a middle aged woman who shouted back at me as i pushed by her group that i was 'looking good!'

the best part was alan and i whining / throwning fits in whole foods to our mom nicole who was trying to hurry up our dinner selections and not letting me get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! or alan get his chocolate milk. that was silly fun.

fun! next time i will pretend it's real, maybe.

*shocking, i know. i actually had it on upside down for most of my walk. embarrassing!