nobody

wants to read about how bad at blogging i am. so i will write about something that's been on my mind instead.

but i won't write about improv or comedy, because whatever, i should have other interests.

erm.

fuck.

it's been cold. i dropped my hat on the floor of the E train on monday night and it's been absolutely grossing me out to touch it since. however, i haven't had that lovely combination of willpower, available quarters and extra time necessary to execute a successfull clothes-washing session. also the laundromat on 116th street raised their prices by a dollar a load for the medium machines, which is AWFUL, trust me. it has me considering having them wash it because i think it might be slightly cheaper. boo. i am also considering trying a place on 115th, but that what walk would be about twice as long and fuck that right in the face. i don't have a rolly-thing to transport my laundry, only a duffle bag. and it's fucking cold out, have i mentioned that? anyway, the hat conundrum brings into sharp relief my particularly odd brand of almost-OCD. i started developing obsessive behaviors late in middle school. it was never terrible, but it was pretty bad for awhile. i got some control over it when i started interacting socially a little more through student council and later the student leadership training program, but the behaviors were pretty ingrained by that point. i am fully convinced that most thinking people have some variant of neurotic thinking or behavior. some people funnel that energy into a specific obsessive hobby, some count steps or words or letters, some people get high off not eating and some people binge eat and vomit. or binge drink and vomit. each, in my skewed perspective, represent an individual's need to excert some amount of control over their lives (which is why many develop in adolesence, when shit is MAD crazy yo). as someone with a variant of obsession that doesn't require medication or treatment per se (delusion? maybe), i tend to think that unless the 'disorder' is a detriment to the individual's life (i.e. starving yourself, alcohol poisoning, vomitting generally = detriment), more power to them and their example of the tiny victory of willpower over this whirling maelstrom of existence. i mean, catholiscm seems to fucking love that theory. the rosary? post-confessional repentance prayers, anyone? maybe that is pure self-delusion, but it works for me and i've been fine with it for at least a decade. i'm pretty well adjusted in the aspects of my life i find important.

for fun, and for an honesty excercise, i will now list the 'rules' of my obsessive life. they structure my life to a surprising degree.

1)feet can never touch the floor. must always been in shoes or sandals. this includes the shower, although a clean shower is an acceptable alternate foot-surface.
2)body must be clean before getting into bed. that means hair and face washed, teeth brushed and totally clean pajamas. pajamas cannot have touched the floor or any surface except the bed or the drawer they were in.
3)bed must be clean. only clean body and clean pajamas can go in the bed. nothing ON the bed, including clothes or whatever else you might put on a bed. nothing. also, feet (even clean ones) cannot touch the 'face' part of the bed (aka pillow area).
3A)corrolary: bed linens, underwear, socks and PJs must remain clean at all times. they go directly from the dryer to a clean laundry bag to their (clean) drawer destination. cannot touch any other surface.
4)hands must be washed WITH SOAP thoroughly after all trips to the bathroom, or after touching the floor or feet.
5)bare skin cannot touch surfaces that are not 1) the bed 2) clothes 3)my couch. this is not as strict as the above rules, but i will definitely avoid touching my skin to any foreign chair or couch.
5A) corrolary: this includes toilet seats. toilet paper must be placed on every toilet seat before sitting down. NO EXCEPTIONS.

that's pretty much it. there used to be more, but i've grown out of them or they've mutated into something else. crazy? a little crazy? a LOT crazy? totally normal? i don't care. i came to terms with my oddity long before realizing how odd i was. what are yours? DUN DUN DUN!