Wednesday, August 1, 2007

this blog title is now all the more apt.


see? now i HAVE actual ruby sneakers. i had a red pair of the same style, but they are fire engine red and that just wasn't quite right.
I LOVE SAUCONY! THEIR SNEAKERS ARE LIKE WEARING CUTE PILLOWS ON MY FEET! YAY!
one thing i think about a lot (because i am strange) is that it would suck to run out of sneakers in a post-apocalyptic world. wrapping rags around your feet is an entirely unsatisfactory replacement for the cushiony goodness of a great pair of sneakers.
for that reason, and that reason almost exclusively, i stand firm for the status quo. don't rock the boat, people. i mean, i will stand steady because my sauconys have great grip and provide a solid foundation for my feet on whatever surface i happen to be standing... BUT i don't want to disturb any of the economic and social structures that allow me to easily purchase colorful, vaguely retro sneakers, alright?
it is unpleasant to realize that you would sell many of your abstract freedoms for comfortable feet.
this blog took a surprisingly dark turn.

the lorelei! this sunday! who hoo!

the lorelei is this sunday! are you excited! i sure am! i am showing it by eating through the post-del close marathon depression! it's pretty great you guys!

DETAILS: 8 PM, AUGUST 5th, THE PARKSIDE LOUNGE, FREE, BUY DRINKS PLEASE!

this next installment of the lorelei is pretty phenomenal, i am totally excited about the line up:

John Mulaney: my favorite stand up performer in new york city. easily. this guy is so ridiculously talented it makes my teeth ache. if you haven't seen him perform yet, please come to the show, you owe it to yourself.

Nick Stevens: one of the quickest wits i have ever seen in action, for serious. he hosts the shark show every saturday night with his posse of (mostly) bostonians, has a video blog starring the totally fahking awesome Paul 'Fitzy' Fitzgerald and basically does the boston area proud.

Will Hines: i am going to gush for a minute (cause i haven't been already)... will is awesome. one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life. he is an incredibly talented, committed and clever improviser who has been around the UCB scene forever. he also teaches classes and performs with several independent teams in addition to the House Team he is on, 1985. His stand up is smart and witty and bell-achingly funny and i am so excited to have him up.

Emily Epstein: Emily is one of the funniest people i have seen in NYC. she is extremely talented and really knows how to exploit a story or a joke for it's best comedic value. i am extremely envious of her awesome delivery and super-funny brain. she's great, you guys are gonna love her.

Dan Cartwright: This guy has wry indignation down to a science. he is ridiculously funny and really knows how to craft a joke fully. he's also one of the most professional and committed comics i know, and a funny guy to be around. he always puts on a great show, and i am very excited to finally have him on the show!

i hope you guys can make it out, it will be a really fun show. watch me host and wrangle these hyper-talented people as i become progessively tipsier by the end of the night. it's a sight to see, i promise.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

GAH! it happened again!

i am a terribly inconsistent blogger. sorry internets :(



quick highlights of my last couple weeks:

improv is going very well, for now. i am really enjoying my scenes and what i am learning and i feel energized and excited by it. improv is definitely a rollercoaster, and right now i am at a part where there is nothing too scary, just fun and exciting. it's pretty exhiliarating, but i know it won't always be this awesome. damn, that sounds pretty negative, huh? sorry, i will stop it. time to live in the moment!



this past weekend was my first Del Close Marathon at UCB. it was intense, but went so much more smoothly and more fun than i could have possibly expected. i took two workshops with mark sutton from the annoyance theatre in addition to working an 8 hour shift as a volunteer and watching ~26 hours of various kinds of improvised theatre. it was great. i over-prepared like whoa, got about 8 hours of sleep from friday to sunday and had an absolute blast. also saw lisa loeb and met ed helms (again), who is awesome.



my roommate, chris, is getting ready to leave for grad school in chicago. my new roommate tay is preparing to make the trek from kansas to nyc. it's exciting but disconcerting at the same time. i have been increasingly busy for the past 8 or 9 months and chris and i haven't seen too much of each other, but it will definitely be strange not living with someone i have known for 6+ years and generally get along with very well. CHAAAANGES! tay is totally great though, i think we are going to have weekly nerdgasms about the dark tower and various tv shows.



got ready for the august installment of the lorelei. the line up is fucking balls-out awesome. i am totally psyched. more on that later. I PROMISE.

hey did you know that some peacocks are vampires? no, no one did, until this man saved us all from our ignorance. by violently beating and kicking a glorified goose, pretty much to death. thanks, asshole. beating up foppish birds totally makes you more of a man. jackass. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/070701/K070102AU.html

Thursday, July 12, 2007

A TITLE!

awesome. i can now enter a title on my blog entries. my computer and blogspot are clearly conspiring to convince me that i have gone psychotic, but very slowly over a long period of time. but that would be my own fault for letting a silly little thing like not being able to aptly (possibly cleverly) title a blog entry cause my precarious mental balance to slip and crash into the sea of insanity. good thing it doesn't bother me in the slightest! >too wide grin/darting eyes/white knuckle grip on the mouse<



anyway, i did have something to blog about. i wanted to blog about my general lack of facial accessories. and yes, that is the punchline to an excellent mitch hedberg joke. i always feel surrounded by people who get to wear totally awesome and trendy and sexy glasses. last night i decided to rectify that by putting on the total of my companions' three pairs of glasses at the same time in a poor impersonation of my art professor from college. it was pretty dumb. then i decided to explain what mung was to the table. i am pretty sure i was using hand motions and doing my impression of jumping off of a gravestone. also, i am pretty sure i used the word fermented more than once. later i was pretending i had a mustache by holding a lock of hair over my top lip to simulate what a luxuorious golden 'stache would look like on my tiny imp-face.

that i am saying is this:
sometimes alcohol reveals a person's true personality.
and sometimes it makes them act silly and incredibly inappropriate... while revealing their person's true personality.

i promise to write something worthy later, and possibly review all the kick-ass shows i went to this week.

(so i don't forget: tuesday: harold night, wednesday: 7 fights with decoster and hines & invite them up with patton oswalt, thursday: an open mic & cagematch, friday: now that's what i call rogue elephant! & rogue elephant host a night of improv)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

i don't know why but blogspot isn't letting me type in the title box for my entries. this is more annoying than it should be.
i googled myself recently. it could have been disappointing if i occupied a space in this world beyond utter obscurity, but i don't, so it was actually really cool because i found an article i wrote for my college's paper my senior year. for some strange reason it is in the 'sports' section of the online version of the spectator... which is odd since it was written for the arts and entertainment section. anyway, it's actually not as bad as it easily could have been... so there you go for wishy-washy self-praise! niiiiice!



Love, Actually, is all around...


By Katey Healy-Wurzburg Jan. 28, 2005



What!? A review of a romance?? BY ME?!? I know, I know... I am your faithful Katey, ever-nerdy, never-sappy and oh-so-crazy. Well, even I can get sucked into a romance... if the romance part ends with -tic and is attached to -comedy that is. Anyway, like many people over this past break, I maybe watched a smidgen of television. Luckily for me, my family got digital cable (ooooh!) right after I left for college. Which means my breaks are scintillating non-stop thrill-a-minute adventures... okay, no, of course not, I sit on me bum all day and watch the telly. And I do mean the telly. 'Yay!' to BBC America. And HBO, as it turns out. HBO's near Christmas scheduling was a flurry of British programming... must be the whole Scrooge, Charles Dickens-complex-we don't feel properly holly and jolly until the Brits help us along. Anywho, we must express deep and ever-lasting gratitude to HBO for doing this because they are responsible for exposing me to a wonderful movie, Love Actually.



Wow. Okay, that was the longest introduction ever. Anyway, back to the review. If you haven't seen Love Actually... because you have been living under a rock, or because you have been feeling extra sensitive about romantic stuff because of a recent break-up... or lack of romatic activity... or because you just sort of suck generally... GO RENT IT NOW! Buy it, even. It was on sale for ten dollars at Target last week. Boy, girl, man, womyn, young, older, single, married, dating, whatever, watch it! I really think this is one of those few movies that can appeal to nearly everyone. Except maybe Pol Pot. He probably would have disliked the general lack of genocide. It is funny, it has a great soundtrack, it is sweet... okay, okay, enough unqualified praise, lets get down to the nitty gritty.



The movie is first and foremost British. It is secondly a cast. The movie is centered within a period of time and on certain storylines, as opposed to a traditional single-relationship romance. For me, this is what made it so funny and yet realistic. It is set in the Christmas Season, in the month leading up to Christmas. You see the rather rapid development of storylines and relationships between eight primary couples. However, none are traditional or ideal relationships... as much of our own lives tend to unfold. Burning, never-revealed crushes, contemplated infidelity, the struggle to overcome the loss of a love and the never ending attempt to be an appealing version of yourself long enough to find someone to keep up with you... familiar encounters to us all, I think. Love Actually is admirably and unflaggingly British. The appearance of Rowan Atkinson, who I think epitomizes his country's quirks and best qualities equally, is a cameo whose value and hilarity is comparable only to those of Christopher Walken. Most fascinating to me was the director, Richard Curtis', use of music as a palpable, universalizing force nearly took on the role of actor itself, serving to help the story and people's actions to be eased remarkably. However, many of my favorite actors are actually in it as well, including Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman and Keira Knightley. A Jedi Knight, the Voice of God and a bad-ass pirate. Sweeet! Also gracing the screen with their excellent and super sexy performances were Hugh Grant, Colin Firth and Rodrigo Santoro (Karl). In my horny, er, I mean, humble opinion, the movie could have just been these two standing around being hot, and I would have been happy.



But the best part is that it wasn't. Love Actually was all of the stories-pain and love and laughter together, weaving a lovely, somewhat cheesy, but profoundly true story of the family of friends and loves possible today. Love Actually is funny, sweet, hilarious, silly, optimistic and also somehow true, all at the same time. It is amazing, and I quite simply love it. I give Love Actually 11 out of 10 stars... or maybe hearts.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

SUPRISE!

  • today i woke up.
  • then i hopped on the internet and posted on a messageboard. in the star trek discussion thread.
  • then i went to a cafe and read a great novel that was written as if the wonders of space travel were accesible in the age of victorian england.
  • after that, i walked to a bookstore and bought two young adult fantasy novels that were on sale, to keep the two i had in my bag already company.
  • then i walked to forbidden planet, braving the BO of and lecherous stares of it's clientele, in order to purchase the next two volumes in stephen king's magnum opus of fantasy fiction series, the dark tower.
  • feeling the need to bloster my base caffeine levels, i went to starbucks (again) and got into a discusion about said series with a barista.
  • on my way home, i decided to blog about my day for all the internets to partake of.



i am a nerd of gargantuan proportions.

Friday, July 6, 2007

i am so bad at blogging! oh noes!

and apparently i still type like a cat! double oh noes! EN EE WAI, i apologize for my extended e-absence. sometimes i become overwhelmed by all the non-responsibility i put on myself which matters (ultimately) not at all that i can't even bear to think about doing something that is so easy i can answer 3204 to 4298280930982323089 calls while doing it. it's ennui, but it is totally stupid ennui. 'totally stupid ennui' would be a great band name.

so yeah, sorry. arby's sucks donkey dick & duck cloaca because they charged me 50 cents for a seedless bun AND THEN taxed me extra on that 50 cent extra charge. never mind that the button for 'exchange seedless' costs 0.00 on the register; they feel they can fuck me in the ass for not being able to eat seeds AND THEN hand my waiting, already raw anus to the new york government for some sweet 8.75 sales-taxing ass-raping. too far, readers? or not far enough?

other than brief forays into fast food-originated rage-induced psychosis, i had a good rest-of-june. the july installment of 'the lorelei' came together well. the line up was pretty fucking great, i am very proud of the shows these people have helped me do so far. the original line up was nick kroll, max silvestri, dan upham (i love that d00d), merritt gurley and sean donnelly; HOWEVER, i ran into hannibal burress the wednesday before the show and offered him a spot because he was in town from chicago through the weekend and is hilarious and awesome. you will be seeing that name a lot more soon, he is a very smart and and funny guy. so the lorelei ended up being 6 (instead of 5) comics plus me hosting, so i did shorter bits and gave everyone a couple minutes less just so we could get out of the room in time for the 9:30 band; we were still a little late and they hated us. OH WELL. i love doing the show, it is a great opportunity for me and it is alot of fun. and comedians really seem to enjoy doing it, which is great.

improv through june: june was a pretty fantastic month for me, improv-wise. i was taking a 'special' class with ari voukydis. i want to marry his vision of improv. it's pretty awesome. the class was about getting out of your head and it was great. i felt so fucking energized and excited by what we did in class, and the crazy shit we messed around with, just playing with the conventions of the 'new york' form and it was unbelievably cool. i am so sad it was only a month long. i wish i had 3 hours of improv with ari every week. it would make my life pretty much 93% better, overall. unfortunately, i don't really have a venue for playing around with a lot of the stuff we played with in that class. my improv group... well, we are still pretty new and a lot of coaches feel more comfortable not 'pushing the envelope'. the thing i LOVED about ari's class was that it was like 'yeah, you aren't super experienced at long form or harold, but fuck learning ALL about the form first, have fun and respect the SPIRIT of improv first'. literally tossing us in the deeeep end of the improv pool first... uh, metaphorically. i am waxing poetic about something i can barely articulate, on a subject that very few people understand the context for... so i apologize. suffice it to say, i have another new passion, and it is going to be annoying for you all.

i also started my level 301 class with joe wengert. i would link to his blog but it hasn't been updated since february, so eff that guy, amirite? just kidding, joe is totally awesome. i have watched him perform more than i have watched any of my other improv teachers or coaches i have worked with, and he is a brilliantly funny guy. he is also extremely smart and gives excellent notes in class. he really pays attention to scenes and remembers the little details that tend to run together for instructors. he is always 'on point' in class. it's a great learning experience. my class is also REALLY small and there are some ridiculously funny ladies in it, it's fantastic.

mmm what else? my sister alexis came to visit, that was really fun. she wasn't able to stay for a day that i wasn't totally fucking swamped and busy though, which was too bad. hopefully she will be able to visit again this summer. we have had houseguests steadily since last week, and will continue to have them for the next couple weeks. which is tough, but also fun. it also makes me realize just how much i use listening to my ipod to deal with shit emotionally. it's pretty fucked up. in other news, my marriage to my ipod (mozart, after a bit from 'the office') will take place late next fall. watch your mail for an invitation!

well, i am sure there was other bullshit i was going to write about, but fuck it for now. and FUCK YOU, ARBY'S!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

fuck you, arby's. fuck you so hard.

i am in a fight with the manhattan franchise of arby's.

i have to go to lunch now (PIZZA, THANKYOUVERYMUCH), i edit this and update more thoroughly when i get back.

Monday, June 18, 2007

be careful in chelsea.

so a friend of mine was attacked near the magnet theatre on west 29th street on friday night. there is an area of construction along the street that forces you to kind of weave along a covered pathway, and two guys jumped down on him when in it while he was on the phone with his father. they started beating him up and stole his messenger bag that had his laptop in it. fortunately, a woman saw him go down, apparently and retrieved his glasses and phone from where they had gone flying. he is alright, physically, although he is pretty bruised up. it is fucking scary. i walk around that area late at night, by myself, several times a week. basically, just be careful in the area. i hope this isn't part of a larger trend.

also, yesterday, another friend of mine was walking by the projects on 8th avenue and 23rd/24th streets with a friend of his and had a glass bottle thrown at him from one of the buildings. it came very close to hitting him in the head and the glass went up in his friend's leg. he suspects it was because he and his black, female friend looked like a mixed-race couple walking together.

seriously, north chelsea/midtown south/west area? fucking cut it out.

it was my birthday on friday!

as previously mentioned, i turned 24. it was pretty fucking fun. we went to burgers and cupcakes (the one in hell's kitchen, and only 3 people went to the wrong one!), which could have been a disaster, but was totally awesome. and my secret, not-so-fiendish-but-definitely-tricky plan worked! by going towards their closing time, we were literally covered with free cupcakes and brownies. it was pretty fun. and we took the place over, there were like... almost 20 people there, which is pretty nuts. oh, i feel so loved!

post burger-ifiying, we made a complicated trek down to the peter mcmanus pub, which was great fun, meeting up with several people who were waiting there for us, and generally rocking the funk out. pete, my college friend and member of the sketch group bobby peru, recognized a class of '97 alum (who was a co-founder of bobby peru) sitting near us, so we bothered him for awhile, and my friend bucket wanted to know why he recognized brian berrebi. i lol'd and told him. long, but very fun night, after a very long, VERY shitty week. i went home (carefully, see next post) and went to bed. i woke up at 3:30 on saturday and resolved not to leave the apartment. i think i just watched tv for like 10 hours. it was restorative.

so if you came out and hung out, thank you so much for coming, you guys are effing awesome. and if you didn't make it, can buy me a drink or a cool present (like, a starbucks giftcard, to throw an example out there) to make up for your absence!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

a thing that makes me angry in new york.

guys who sit on the subway with their legs spread more than 10 inches apart. hey assholes... you know what? i BET that your balls are none of the following:
1. five inches in diameter.
2. made of glass.
3. filled with a poison that will be released if either ball touches either your leg or the other ball.
4. contained within their own individual forcefields that effectively prevents you from putting your legs together like a decent human being.

seriously, this infuriates me. i live on the northern edge of manhattan, along the most crowded subway line. if i am quick, i can usually find a seat because i am pretty narrow. however, every day i see entire benches taken up by 2 normal-sized guys who seem to think that their balls have precedent to take up bench space that could easily be occupied by several other MTA patrons, for example; pregnant women, old people, or charmingly ironic comedians from massachusetts who do not deal well with early morning low blood sugar.

i really do not understand why guys do this. maybe some of my male readers will risk my castrating rage and give me a reasonable explanation that will force me to recind this rant. but i doubt it. until then, adjust your damn balls and let me sit down, assholes.

Monday, June 11, 2007

i will soon be twenty-four years old

so i will ennumerate some things i should stop doing because 24 is 100% in adult territory.

1) i should stop putting off projects for several months, or, in some cases, years. i have had a bag of clothing that i intended to bring to a donation place last june or early july. awesome. since that bag of neglected, ill-fitting clothing was collected, i have decided to be a comedian, and started my own show and... well, that is it. but that is a long time to leave a plastic bag in your living room.

2) stop going to bed preposterously late. i don't mean those nights i am actually out until 4 am hanging out with people, because that is fun and i need to do that more, but just those nights that i know i need to be in bed by 10 because i have to be up at 5:45 in the morning, and i still end up getting in bed at midnight.

3) spending money like... i have money.

4) not getting a new job because the one i have is complete nonsense. see #3 as well.

5) do more stuff. reading in caf├ęs while enjoying a lovely iced latte is amazing, but i probably don't need to update my myspace profile twice in a weekend, or get into unbelievably stupid arguments with people on messageboards. or see that episode of law and order CI where that guy who they originally thought was just a witness actually turns out to be the killer for the 10893rd time.

there is more, but it is mostly dumb. birthday plans are in the making, email me or leave a comment with your contact info if you are interested in hanging out wif us :) it will be totally dumb and silly, i am sure. i will refuse to drink anything but one wild turkey and coke, and will probably make fun of a tough-looking biker, or someone who was having a bad day already and then they will pout and cry. good times.

Friday, June 8, 2007

i am not always angry.

this blog might give the wrong impression. it might make you think that i am some rage-aholic bitch who finds no pleasure in the world, or in people, or even in the simple things in life. while being disturbingly accurate at a superficial level, i am, in fact, a very happy, polite person most of the time. however, i have never been one for 'restraint', and when i get mad, i am MAD. and since i no longer live with my family and can't take out that rage by screaming at them for mostly no reason, i tend to get more mad about stupid shit, like people rubbing me on the street, or the people at the law and order franchise building (it must have a building now, right?) fucking up what used to be my favorite show.

so... just so you know, i love kittens that are adorable, especially ones that make silly faces and misspell words, and explain their actions in a 'im in ur >BLANK<, >BLANKING< up ur stuff format. i love music a lot, although i don't go to (can't afford) as many concerts as i used to. the office makes me melt inside, and i like making babies smile in a not-creepy way. do you believe that i am not a horrible rage monster now? i hope so, 'cause here is some shit that pissed me off this week.

1) going to a bar to meet people, and then those people don't show up. i hate that so much. especially when you end the evening eating a damn hamburger in the middle of a bar at an empty table. i win the pathetic contest for the week, yay! i am in a fight with... something mysterious and subtle to indicate to you who those people who stood me up were.

2) having two russian wannabe models pile into a tiny one stall bathroom with you and chatter at 2189031898 wpm at 92384983 decibels until your bladder contracts in hatred you attempt to storm out of the bathroom, but can't because the bathroom is too small and one of them is standing on your purse.

3) having your improv classes postponed two months in a row, and being polite to interns on the phone ANYWAY because you are a 'nice person'. and a pushover.

4) the rain. oh, it sucks. oh, and companies that leave their air conditioning on SUPER ARTIC BLAST HIGH even though it is 50 degrees outside since all that bullshit rain brought cooler weather.

okay, that's it. FOR NOW. remember, i am a happy, sweet person.

Friday, June 1, 2007

this is almost creepier than having a homeless man poop in front of you.

"TOKYO (Reuters) - Police found more than 8,000 pieces of women's clothing and lingerie in the home of a Japanese man who stole the items so he could sleep buried in them.
Maeyasu Kawamura, 60, was indicted for theft Friday, police in Osaka prefecture, western Japan, said.
Police found 2,400 pieces of lingerie, 600 kimonos and 5,200 items of other clothing all piled up high in his small apartment room.
Kawamura has confessed to stealing the items, which included a wedding dress.
"He seemed to get a thrill out of sleeping covered in women's clothes," a police spokesman said. "He seemed to like the smell."
No further details were available."

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUST12044520070601


i have absolutely nothing to add to this. i just wanted you to know.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

strange people from other floors.

the evil corporation i work for is pretty big; we have several floors in the building, and on many of them, the bathrooms are actually in the stairwells. it is strange. on our floor, the men's room is the only one out there, fortunately (ha ha, men! suck on that!) but it does mean that the bathroom is supposed to be locked. as far as i know, you can't unlock it manually from the inside. nevertheless, several times a day i see d00dz coming out of the stairwell on our floor looking curiously... light and relaxed...

FUCKING PHANTOM SHITTERS. shit on your own floor, PLEASE. criminy.

when i say 'shit on your own floor', clearly i mean to please poop in the bathrooms provided to you by your company, and stop clogging the toilets down here. come on, are you 5 years old?

in other news, yesterday, i had to reformat a resume that someone had written in the third person. like... a biography. or a wikipedia article. i almost choked on the arrogant gall of it.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

hate of the week.

bonding with other people over similar hatred regarding mundane details of life in new york is lubricant that keeps the new york machine flowing. in this vein, i present to you, new york, my hate of the week.



THE RAREFIED REALM FROM WHICH BICYCLE RIDERS DERIVE THEIR SENSE OF MORAL SUPERIORITY!

last week, some jerkbag cyclist started yelling at me in midtown because he almost hit me as i was crossing the street. okay... here's the thing: I HAD THE LIGHT. i told him to go fuck himself cause he was running a redlight like a fucking cocksucker. cyclists are supposed to follow the same rules of the road as cars and trucks and motorcycles... cause they have wheels. that is one of a variety of reasons why chinese delivery guys shouldn't be biking down narrow sidewalks at night in the rain while going in the wrong direction and almost kill me, but i digress.

so... cyclists actually get mad enough mad at pedistrians crossing the street when they are supposed to be... because the cyclists are the ones disobeying their rules of the road. that shit makes me want to carry tacks and long, pointy sticks for throwing between wheel spokes. jerk bags. yeah, i am so SORRY for trying to cross while i have a walk sign in midtown, asshole! next time, i will just wait until all the bicycles and mopeds and vespas and segways finish weaving their way through a redlight and the first set of people crossing the street, and then through the westbound traffic that has the right of way, AND THEN i will wait for another cycle of lights, since that took 310948109834 minutes, and NEVER CROSS THE STREET EVER AND QUIT MY JOB AND DIE. how about that? shit-guzzling assbags.

about a month ago, some lady did this same thing to me near st. marks at like, 11 pm. i was just like 'are you seriously yelling at me because you are riding around in the dark on a silent machine while you are running a redlight? like, really? okay, thats cool, as long as we are clear that your imperious moral high ground is substantiated by absolutely nothing, you giant cockbag!'

actually, what i managed to say was, 'eehh FUCK YOU!' but that is what i thought of on my walk to the subway.

in conclusion: bicyclists can go fuck themselves.

blogging about comedy.

a lot of comedians mention blogs during their set 'nowadays', especially if something silly or unusual happens; apparently people see shows and then tell the internet about them. that is pretty cool, because my friends are definitely tired of being told about the comedy shows i go to, and maybe the internet cares a little bit more. so here are some (brief (ya right) highlights of) kickass shows i saw recently:



robin ince: british comedian, effing brilliant. i saw him do a quick set last week to close out bobby tisdale and eugene mirman's excellent 'invite them up'. he was great, he has a very endearing stage presence; nerdy, moral, earnest and just a little bit mean. his hour long show was equally solid, he won the audience over very quickly with his silly asides and very sharp intellectualist 'philosophy'. i definitely left out of chelsea chanting "AH I WANT TO BE THAT GOOD!" however, i am an admitted sucker for british comedy, but all the british stand up i have seen in new york has been phenomenal; josie long and jon oliver are the other stand outs. josie has some of the most creative and hilarious bits i have ever seen, and she is adorable and sweet. so yeah, you can friend robin ince and josie long on myspace and check out their stuff. i don't believe jon oliver is on there (he wasn't the first time i looked ~6 months ago, maybe he is now), but you can see him almost every night on the daily show. sexy.



harold night: UCB mutha effers. i am at that theatre... a lot lately. tuesday used to be my free night during the week, but now i go and watch long-form improv for ~3 hours because i am a nerd. a lot of the 'younger' teams are coming into their own lately, i have been seeing some amazing harolds lately. two weeks ago, bastian and creep both had phenomenal shows, and last week T.R.U.C.K.S. brought the damn house down. i haven't been able to get the image of nate smith as a retarded sperm cell out of my head all week, i keep thinking of it while i am on the train and lol-ing to myself. 1985 and fwand are always amazing, they fight off for my favorite team most weeks. no 1985 last week, but they are on the line-up for tonight. improv is a very satisfying art form for the audience; the patterns that emerge feel 'right' to the brain, and it is almost always crazy and hilarious. something sexually inappropriate will take place at least once, and at least two members of fwand will almost break their faces, you will love it. best part is, it's 5 dollars whenever you arrive. if you get there at 8 (recommended, otherwise you will wait outside for 30 minutes), you get 5 harolds for the price of one! UCB doesn't really need my help in promoting, but it's what i have been doing lately. my friend seth herzog has a show on tuesdays at the slipper room which is fantastic, as well. check that out if you are in the mood for stand-up, also 5 dollars.



under st. mark's: oooh this one is pretty elite and *seeecret*. so there is a theatre space (read: basement with risers and a small stage, done in black) under the st. mark's theatre, located in all places, on st. marks (btwn 2nd and 1st avenues). on some friday nights (i think alternating ones, i don't know) independent improv team Rogue Elephant hosts some kick ass improv-ing. you will probably recognize the members of rogue elephant from a variety of other harold teams; silvija from the step-fathers, jim santangelli from 1985, gavin from 1985, nate smith from T.R.U.C.K.S., susannah from beverly hills, eddie from beverly hills, and tim curcio from beverly hills. the last time i went the AC was either broken, or its existence was a figment of my imagination, because it was pretty much exactly a billion degrees in there. but the space is really cool and fun, and the show was really great as well. apparently tantrum and fwand host improv at the space on the other friday nights, but i haven't been down to see that show... YET. great show, one of the most fun ones i have ever seen, for serious. however, i would delete the troupe of drunken 18 year olds from the experience, who were for some reason at an underground improv show, when they should have been home practicing for their mtv reality series debut, or whatever it is that priveledged 18 year olds in manhattan spend their time and youth pursuing.



quick bathroom review:

rififi's(/cinema classic): i saw robin ince at rififi's initially; there are three bathrooms at rififi's. the one in the front bar area is sometimes the only one available, and pretty small and cramped. there is actually more room than there used to be though, and a small, cloudy mirror above the sink. however it is usually clean and there is always soap and toilet paper, so it's fine with me, even if you have bend awkwardly to get your pants down. the two bathrooms in the back are much bigger and nicer, and i will use them for preference, although not during a show (usually) because the comedians will usually make fun of you. even the nice ones. and there have been horrifying bug-sightings in the back so i always keep a strong vigil when i am momentarily de-pantsed. sometimes the back bathrooms are not stocked with soap/tp though, so you end up waiting in line for 8 minutes and then realizing you have to go try and get the sole bartender's attention, no fun. but the bathrooms are all private, which is nice.



UCB: always packed. almost always, at least. there are two tiny stalls and a small sink area and there are quite often 8 people trying to wait in the bathroom instead of lining up outside. it sucks. the interns keep it well stocked with soap/tp and it is a fine bathroom, but definitely not a favorite. the toilet seat in the second stall slips every time you move and you feel like you are falling into the bowl. i do hate that.



under st. marks: the bathroom is back stage and you have to walk along the front of the stage to get back there. the door is sliding and it's pretty small, but comfortable and well stocked nonetheless. just weird to have to go backstage. it reminds me of every cabin bathroom i have ever been in, only much dirtier and weird water on the floor. my butt only touches the toilet paper i put on the seat though, i don't care about the rest. NUTS TO YOU, OCD!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

comedy is serious business.

i go to quite a few comedy shows around manhattan. it's pretty evenly split between stand up performances and improv shows. i am considering trying to review them, but i don't know if i could be an effective or objective reviewer, so i might just list my favorites and what i like about them. i am not sure yet. however, i am sure that i will write up a list of my favorite bars ranked according to how nice their bathrooms are.

so some more about comedy... and me :) ME ME ME, right?! i am a comedian (i prefer 'comic' because it sounds like 'dick' and i am... kind of a dick) in new york. i try to perform stand up a couple times a week, and long form improv about the same. i have been taking classes at the upright citizen's brigade theatre for about 9 months now, and it is super fun and very challenging. i was in an improv troupe in college called 'yodapez'.

i also produce and host a monthly show at the Parkside Lounge on the lower east side (LES). the show is called the lorelei, after the german rock that lured Romantic poets to their watery graves (OBVIOUSLY) and it is pretty fun. last month we had leo allen, gabe and jenny (a duo), joe mande, eudi paz and evan jacobs on the bill and it was great. the next show is june 3rd, and will feature john mulaney, merritt gurley, matt ruby, noah garfinkle and TBA! the format is stand up for now, but it's definitely open to other formats if people are interested in it. oh and it's FREE, just buy a couple drinks from the sexy cocktail waitress, karen! so yeah.

i will keep this up to date with my trials, and other things that begin with 'tri', read and enjoy!

awkward and hateful things!

Item the First.) the number of people i saw on the street during my lunch break that i should know well enough to say 'hey' casually to, and yet instead chose to ignore and avoid eye contact with so i wouldn't have to... say 'hey' to them?

Two. i am an anti-social jerkface.

Item the Second.) people who walk casually through midtown in the middle of the afternoon should be confined to wheelchairs and pumped full of barbituates, and then made to run on a treadmill for 4 hours. why? because that is what navigating through them feels like when you only have an hour for your lunch break and need to go to a sample sale AND grab an overpriced roast beef sandwich from arby's. 'zig-zag' is not an acceptable walking formation in this, the citiest of new york's urban centers. assholes.

Item the Third.) american eagle should burn for discontinuing the only pair of under 40 dollar jeans that fit my weird body. i tried on a different style last night that were fully one size bigger than what i normally wear and i couldn't even put my butt in them. a chunk of enough white fat to make captain ahab pant with lustful rage simply refused to even consider fitting itself inside that denim depth. it just squatted above what should have been the waistband, mocking me. hey, american eagle... here's this thing i was thinking about... don't make your size 6 jeans significantly smaller than your size 4 jeans. that is weird, and mean and doesn't make any sense.

Item the Last.) attention pimped out VW that ran a red light at 35-40 mph on 45th street this afternoon; honking your horn excessively to let everyone know you are dangerously breaking the law... doesn't actually change or improve the fact that you are doing something incredibly dangerous through a crowd of people, and also breaking the law.

so, in conclusion: honking =/= (does not equal) karma

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

webcomics that i like.

i have a boring job that i hate. i am overqualified for it, i get absolutely no respect and no advancement prospects. yay! however, instead of doing something proactive about it, i usually just spend my time moaning on the internet and look for new webcomics so i can spend a couple days reading through their archives. these are my favorites:

www.toothpastefordinner.com
www.nataliedee.com
www.marriedtothesea.com
www.questionablecontent.net
www.animalshaveproblemstoo.com
www.explodingdog.com
www.qwantz.com

they are fun. natalie and drew, who write the top three comics listed (and are married, ooooh!), are hilarious and awesome and have great blog and advice archives that waste at least 2/3 more time than webcomics alone. good stuff. feel free to send some other good ones my way! i tend to get in a rut and not try new things.

beautiful day --> apocalypse --> beautiful day reprise

it was absolutely lovely outside this morning. it even smelled nice in midtown. seriously. the spring makes me very happy. it was beautiful when i went out for lunch as well, and only a bit too hot as i walked around bryant park. the beauty of bryant park couldn't even be marred by the smelly old dudes holding up the 'bush regime orchestrated 9/11' banner. at about 4, however, the sky got extremely dark... well, the 4 foot slice of reflected light i could see from the office window that is down the hall looked really dark and creepy. so apparently the world looked as if it was ending and i couldn't even see it.

i need a new job.