Monday, February 23, 2009

i want this for one day

here is a thing i want to have happen:

for ONE day, no one is a dick about anything to anyone.

don’t deliberately misinterpret something to be ‘funny’. don’t try to insidiously get into someone’s head to make them talk to you. don’t give backhanded compliments. don’t make snide comments. don’t make fun of anyone, even if it is your friend and it is silly or ostensibly a joke. don’t mock.

be kind. be genuine. listen. have fun. laugh genuinely. don’t just think of something funny to say next. be ever so slightly less clever. watch someone and see something they want you to see; compliment them on it. just smile.

that’s all.

sorry for the cross blogging, i try to avoid it but this is important.

a LEGO a day


this blog is a really cool idea, executed beautifully by a guy i know from THE INTERNET. be impressed, everyone. check it out, a lot of the ideas are fun, all are wildly creative and many are hilarious. i've linked him in my blogroll to your right, which started as a way to remind myself of what blogs to read, but has evolved into mostly being handy to other people.

well done, sir 'i won't embarrass by calling you your messageboard handle in my blog post'! his blog makes me miss legos, and also retroactively jealous of my cousin nick, whose parents bought him every cool effing set, and angry at my dad, who INSISTED that i could make whatever i wanted out of the base lego set. so. annoying. no, dad, you cannot make a helicopter out of a handful of primary-colored legos and one of those flat grass pieces.
don't knock my struggle
cause my struggle's all mine.
- mark mcadam

Friday, February 20, 2009

note to self

don't read something DC has written right after you've written something. you will feel like a twat and an untalented asshole.

thinking about musicians, death, parents, jewelry design.

i am a performer. as a child, i never saw one thing happen on a stage that i didn't want to be up there doing to. i even remember a presentation at the armory in worcester on a field trip in 1st grade. watching the historian or curator or whoever, talking about old weapons and medieval knights, and wanting nothing more than to be up there doing it too. i have a recurring fear that someday i will get up on a stage during i performance i am not a part of and insist to be in the show. similar to my fear that i will jump in front of the train when it's coming down the tracks. i don't WANT to, but there is some tiny, deep voice that is always goading us into doing stupid, wreckless things; right?

but MUSIC... gah, music! i have a hard time writing about music, because it feels so incredibly personal to me; i feel so affected by music i love. and i've been listening to music even MORE intensely lately, which is crazy. i probably listen to music ~24 hours a week, which is more than i watch TV or even watch live comedy. i love music! i've been to upwards of 150 concerts in my time, although very few of those have been post-college; a combination of money and a transferance of interest to teh comedies. musicians, on stage... i don't think i have the same burning desire to be onstage as a musician. it might be framed in slightly more 'fan' way for me.

i wish i had the talent to be a musician. while i find music fascinating and i try to learn about it, i am lazy and never showed any natural ability for playing the guitar or the clarinet when i tried. i am a miserable, if enthusiastic singer. it's not in the cards. but i can't help but think that musicians are fucking lucky. once they write their music, it's done, in a way. onstage, they can banter with the crowd, and get people excited, but then they get to pour their emotions and frustrations out in the music. they don't have to worry about fucking up jokes or having a shitty improv show that just can't seem to fucking get it together or gel. they just get to ride it out. that's not particularly rational, just something i've been thinking about.

my parents used to tell me i could be anything i wanted to be when i grew up; that i had the potential to do anything. a dangerous thing to tell a precocious child who lived in fantasy worlds. once i was a little older, i would tell my dad i wanted to be a paleontologist or an archeaologist; he would counter that those jobs were boring, and i would have to set up a grid and work really slowly, so i shouldn't be an archaelogist. then i decided later i wanted to design jewelry (i am a decent artist, though my skills are purely a decent ability to represent objects on paper; i lack a distinctive artistic vision, i think); my dad went on and on about gross chemicals that jewelry makers have to do, and that i wouldn't make any money.

but now he is inordinately proud that i am living in new york city, trying to be a comedian.

parents are weird!

i did it!

today i am a cowboy!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

my young heart's in tatters / and i'm sure it will be a long time healing

i am nearing the crest of another wave of self-development i think. or maybe i am 'in it' right now. i am not sure.

had our second and third time capsule shows since the last time i posted about it. both were very fun, which is amazing, but i had personal issues with my ability to intelligently play and support my scenes and the shows generally. which is to say that while things i did in both were FUNNY, there was a thread of intelligent awareness and direction to what i was doing that was either missing or frayed. i am not sure how to fix or improve upon that problem other than to focus and generally simplify more.

on tuesday, i started a 4 week class with christina gausas where the focus is specifically on 2 person scenes. however, the focus is also on the tenets of christina's improvisational style; an INCREDIBLE emphasis on reaction to your scene partner and the LAST thing they said. it's a skill i have selectively; if someone has said something unusual onstage, i have gotten 'good' at acknowledging and reacting to it, but most of the time in a scene i am pushing my scene partners into finding a game or an archetypal scene to play. not surprisingly, all my bad scenes are scenes where this happens. however, a good portion of my good or at least funny scenes are this way too, since i am good at directing the action, and i can usually find a game easily, and then make my scene partners play it with me. in other words, i get away with it. zach woods gave me that note in my last 501, and i have heard it from other teachers and coaches as well.

CHRISTINA STOPPED ME DOING IT IN EVERY SCENE I DID. gah... oh man, she was right. looking, back, i seriously do it constantly; although to be fair i do it more often early in classes / bad shows. but anyway, it's something i need to work on thoroughly. i am excited though. excited because i know WHAT i have to do; now it is just a matter of figuring out how and then learning to do it. ha, ONLY that.

so i both have to be better at thinking smartly and finding those simple smart support moves AND work on not thinking about improv at all.

yes, i really do think this is awesome. exciting!

end-thought: joe directed the last of the time capsules he will be here to watch this past tuesday. dave 'beezy' bluvband did a little wengert-esque call and response thanks for him, and i immediately teared up hardcore. i feel so happy and lucky to have been in this last class of joe's in NYC; and i hope he is proud of what we have done. and i hope what we've done reflects what an amazing teacher he is. the time capsule almost always felt fun and easy and collaborative and exciting because of how open and encouraging and respectful joe was with us. we hung out as a group a ton, we had parties and played werewolf and joe ASKED to be on our email chain... seriously. it's been nothing but awesome, basically. joe is one of the best teachers i have EVER had. i include all forms of schooling in this pronouncement; including college and general life-teachers. i feel totally supported by joe; i think he 'gets' me; he's smart as fuck and gives amazing notes in ways that are always helpful and reasonable. and he's a brilliant and inspiring performer himself. i would guess he is on the top 3 favorite performers list of 95% of this community. it's easy to be intimidated and subsequently awkward around a person like this... but joe makes it incredibly easy by being a friendly, kind and interesting person to talk to; and a really amazing friend to boot.

i didn't mean to ramble on about this, but i couldn't help myself. los angeles is a lucky, lucky city, and i hope LA appreciates how much it pains us here in NYC to lose joe wengert. all the luck in the world to you, mr. wengert. i hope you get to see a hawk attack an eagle while both are savaged by a falcon out there. they have more nature in los angeles, right?

for possibly the first time in my adult life

i have worn a different pair of shoes every day this week. i believe this to be a rather sad and revealing fact about myself, which is, itself, a sad and revealing fact.

FACT: i will wear different shoes TOMORROW.

i've been neglecting real, substantive posts here lately. um. not sure why, i still have things i have been thinking about and would like to write about, but somehow i haven't been thinking them in 'blog' form. 'sorry', blogspot. i'll try to put a good one together soon.

Monday, February 16, 2009

my sisters

inspired by nicole.

i talk to alexis pretty often; more if there is a family thing we need to discuss. or... if i am having a personal problem i can't talk about with other friends without feeling judged. in other words, when i need someone to bitch to about people being mean or stupid, i call alexis. when i need someone to look up who played the monsignor in sister act when i can't because i am walking around without a computer and can't possibly wait a couple hours until i am home and can check for myself, i call alexis. when i take a pretty picture using my phone, i send it to my sister.

they last time i texted my other sister, suzi, she called me back the next day from someone else's phone because she thought my text was spam. because she hadn't put my phone number in her phone.


Sunday, February 15, 2009

the lorelei is tonight!

my show is tonight, internet. i'd love for you to be there! 8 pm, parkside lounge back lounge (yeaaaaaah), houston btwn b&c, FREE!

& your host, me;

i'd love to see you TONIGHT!


Friday, February 13, 2009

i've gone

i've gone from being sick and not being able to go out to mostly being better and having absolutely no interest in going out and seeing anyone i know at all.

i think i will go to the movies instead.

coraline? i don't know what else is out... bad, person ostensibly working to be a part of the entertainment industry, bad.

my cat's being fucking adorable right now.

okay. dinner? i vote yes, and my vote is the only one that counts.

starbucks guy... this has gotta stop

i go to the same starbucks every morning. 90% of the time it is awesome. 10% of the time, this one guy makes my drink... and he thinks he knows my drink. BUT HE DOESN'T. i don't know what to do; i've corrected him several times when he has been like 'your drink is 6 pumps of vanilla and two shots, skim milk, right?' and i am like 'uh, no, it's this' but all this has done is convince him that he NOW knows my drink, which he doesn't, but now he doesn't ask... so... i don't know how to rectify this situation in a socially acceptable way. i... i don't know. i've started just trying to drink the one he fucks up, then just going out and re-buying my drink at another starbucks.

that's the cowardly, expensive way.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

what's with scarves!?

oh man. i bought a scarf yesterday. it's green with spots. i got it from the gap, and it was too expensive.

today... i bought another scarf. it's a light, green-toned navy blue. i bought it from a street pashmina seller, which means it is exactly the right price, $5.


at least i have the neck for it; long and skinny and a creepy white-blue color. GAH MUST COVER IT WITH EVEN MORE FABRIC!!!!11

Sunday, February 8, 2009

warm weather thoughts

it was lovely out today. however, i have forgotten how to dress for reasonable weather so i wore way too little and was colder today than i have been in the recent arctic snap. DUMB. i also lost my fucking red scarf at the training center on thursday. i am so pissed because i LOVE that thing and it would be expensive to replace. grumble grumble grumble. i am pissed that someone would just take it too. have no fear, i will glare at anyone wearing an american apparel cranberry scarf in the next few weeks around the theatre, FYI.

i am almost over this bullshit, never ending cold. although this is like the 10th time i have said that so who knows. i feel pretty solid emotionally and less... utterly exhausted by everything. i have the next installment of the time capsule on tuesday and i am looking forward to it, and looking forward to having fun with it. ALWAYS HAVE FUN.

for balance, there should be another paragraph. i should go to bed. guess i will clean the litterbox and take a shower and go to bed.

shopgirl is on tv, and jason schwartzman is in it. i met him when i was in college, when he was still in phantom planet. he was short and odd but nice. we talked about vegans. end of story.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

nailed it

picked up three toys for my cat, since they didn't have the water filtering thing. and he loves ALL of them. i figured that was impossible.

nom nom nom. that's my cat. figuratively savoring the awesome toys i got him.

hey dinosaur; plz stop scratching up my coaches now plz, kthxbai.

my new glasses finally arrived

neither pair is wearable because i fucked up the prescription. fuck me. and the red pair, which are supposed to be the same as the current glasses i have, are basically totally different and this pair doesn't fit me at all. and make my eyes bleed because of my aforementioned prescription screw up. glad i waited 35 days for fucked up glasses, internet! awesome.

real thoughts

coughing is the worst. it makes me have to pee more, in addition to being terribly annoying and painful in its own right. also it means i can't talk loudly or catch my breath or sometimes even breathe at all without coughing more

i gotta work on getting angry. when i get angry, i get distracted and sloppy and i am pretty much just an asshole. i should hone and control and shape that anger into righteous power that i can call on at my convenience, and when people touch me in in public.

i think i also need to work on expressing that anger. i tend to think 2-3 seconds of acid filled eye contact lets people know that i am fucking pissed, but that's not true, because telepathy isn't real, and really i should stop being a damn pussy and tell people when i am mad at them, and why. my feelings aren't invalid, but i should be professional enough to set them aside to get a job done.

i think it's hardest to do in improv - setting aside your current emotional maelstrom i mean. despite thousands of hours of training and rehearsing and watching and ingraining... when you improvise, you are still you; with all your baggage and good qualities AND negative ones. and what i am is... kind of a dick. i don't know what to do except work to be a better, kinder, more open and accepting person. because i can be that person, and i am when i feel comfortable and content; the key comes in being that person when you are upset and tired and hungry and angry and anxious. that's the damn key.

positive thoughts time.

also, it's laundry time. oh and i need mouthwash. and one of those water filtering things for my picky cat.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

the time capsule, tonight at 11pm

i have a show tonight at the UCB theatre at 11 pm. 11 pm on a tuesday, you say? that’s nuts! well it may be nuts, but it will also be an awesome, super fun show so i invite you to snub your nose at the sleeping gods and come out and see comedy instead.
the show is called the time capsule, has a bangarang cast of improvisors, ready to perfom everything that happened in ANY YEAR IN HISTORY! here’s a taste from last night’s rehearsal:

in the year 1000, the world’s biggest heartthrob, beowulf, had sex with grendel’s mother.

in the year 1820, indicative of a larger issue of sexual assault against the hobo community, a train conductor raped daniel boone.

if you are at harold night already, you can stay and watch the show for free! otherwise, tickets are $5. make a reservation here!

directed by the incredibly wonderful joe wengert. be there!

Monday, February 2, 2009

desperate for a roommate

hi internets.  i need a roommate.  i have extended information down every pathway i can think of; does anyone have any suggestions of things i can try?  i am kind of totally freaking out at this point.  i feel ready to blame the economy because i've gotten a fair amount of initial interest, and then basically no follow up interest.  of the dozen plus people i have talked to who are seriously looking for a place, only ONE has come to look at it.  
halp internets.  you're my only hope.

posting a blog

to get that last one off the top.  still sick.  still utterly freaking out about my apartment situation.  i don't know what to do.

um.  i think the answer is to... um... talk about improv?