tempering

the euphoric, low-grade positivity of yesterday has been tempered for me by the confirmed news of prop 8 passing in california, and similar bills passing all over our (still) great republic. i am frustrated by this profoundly. i am still hopeful that we are in the midst of the last gasps from the rapidly aging voices of the nation who seem so offended by love if it's done by anything besides peeners entering 'ginas.

i have the mouth of a long shoreman (thanks, mom) and i do enjoy shocking people, but sexuality is not something i tend to be very comfortable talking about in relation to myself. however i feel must say this because i do identify as a non-traditional sexuality. although 'identify' is a strong word there, as i usually go out of my way to avoid talking about personal preferences except in the most broad or historical of terms. however, i am making myself 'come out of the closet', so to speak, because i think our reaction to the outcome of this recent election cycle hullabaloo about the legal legitimacy of LGBT relationships is just that important: i tend to consider myself asexual. i am not really interested in sex, certainly not in they way most other people are. i am not opposed to it, but it's not for me. kind of like spicy brown mustard. some people love that shit, i would not eat it on a sandwich, even if it was a free office-catering sandwich. 'no thanks, turkey on white with an unfortunate layer of brown spicy mustard (coitus),' i say, 'i'll pass! i think i'll have one of these half-smushed cookies and some caeser dressing on a plate instead!'

i don't know if i will always feel this way, any more than i know if i will always be an atheist, but similarly, i don't plan on 'converting'. i am also, personally, not opposed to the idea of being in a relationship, and i certainly get crushes, but many asexuals are totally not into either of those things at all. www.asexuality.org has some cool information if you are interested in reading more.

i have a hard time placing myself in the realm of LGBT issues, although most groups who think teh gays are the spawn and tools of satan would i am just as much of a freak / broken / atheist / devil-follower as the rest of the Queer population. at least i'm not having pre-marital sex like those hypocrites.

i know i am not depressed, and i don't have a hormone disorder that is preventing me from wanting to constantly fuck. i am just not interested; similar to my lack of interest in national football or comic books. if someone wants to talk about those subjects, i will listen politely because i like talking to people, but i don't want to engage in the pastime myself. i don't really concern myself with 'why'. why are you straight? why are you gay? i think it doesn't really matter, let's just get down to the business of living. or if you are like most people (who are not me), the business of fucking.

in conclusion, i am profoundly disappointed in the results of the measure set in motion to constitutionally BAN marriage out side of one narrow, hetero definition. i've felt passionately about LGBT as long as i can remember... since well before i saw the real world san francisco, definitely. at a profound level, i don't understand people who hate change and difference THAT much. the shape of the information doesn't seem to match with how information needs to be packaged in my brain; like trying to combine those giant fake legos with real ones.

but i am going to try to understand, so i can respond to that sector in a way they can understand, because i am smarter than ignorance. i am going to try to find a place for myself in the LGBT(... A?) movement. anyone who believes in justice and the legitimacy of LGBT rights, regardless of their personal sexuality, should find a place for themselves in the movement as well. the passing (by a narrow margin) of proposistion 8 is not the end of this fight. it's the 4th round bell, and one that indicates that we need to get into this next round even more passionately and with renewed strength.

come one, cum all (some none); let's show these aging bigots that we won't stand for their moralistic attempts at legislating our ability to sanctify our unions in this fair union! but first, i am heading to the lobby to see if they are any non-mustard office-catering sandwiches i can steal. nom nom nom!

also, the next person who 'jokingly' calls me a lesbian is getting a kick, swiftly and possibly metaphorically, right into the groin area. and not because there is any thing i find offensive in the idea or potentiality of being a lesbian, but because their intention behind the label is displaced from the fact that i won't let them get their dicks wet in any of my potential orifices. fuck. you. i am not even a little kidding.