a thing that makes me angry in new york.

guys who sit on the subway with their legs spread more than 10 inches apart. hey assholes... you know what? i BET that your balls are none of the following:
1. five inches in diameter.
2. made of glass.
3. filled with a poison that will be released if either ball touches either your leg or the other ball.
4. contained within their own individual forcefields that effectively prevents you from putting your legs together like a decent human being.

seriously, this infuriates me. i live on the northern edge of manhattan, along the most crowded subway line. if i am quick, i can usually find a seat because i am pretty narrow. however, every day i see entire benches taken up by 2 normal-sized guys who seem to think that their balls have precedent to take up bench space that could easily be occupied by several other MTA patrons, for example; pregnant women, old people, or charmingly ironic comedians from massachusetts who do not deal well with early morning low blood sugar.

i really do not understand why guys do this. maybe some of my male readers will risk my castrating rage and give me a reasonable explanation that will force me to recind this rant. but i doubt it. until then, adjust your damn balls and let me sit down, assholes.