Yeah, that was terrible.
I have a few thoughts I will hobble together.
I bought a new pretty journal for keeping track of my moods. The pages are color coded; purple for happy and related contenment, red for rage and related obsessions, blue-green for sad sack bitching. I hope I am able to keep it up, and I think it might help my efforts to be more rational in my assessment of my own behavior. Is it weird that I am trying to do that? I think it is.
I am considering stopping drinking soda. As much. Cutting back on stuff generally. I suppose it is standard to feel fat and gross and squidgy when the weather turns nicer. Did I mention cottage-cheesy and pale and a variety of other skin-based issues?
On that attractive note, I've had SUCH relationship envy lately. I am not sure what's bringing it about. Maybe just impending 26-dom. But combined with my sudden interest in potentially putting my mouth on other mouths... it's a weird time in katey-land, internet.
My life has thus far been starved in the realm of experience.
I don't think it's possible to truly articulate heartbreak rationally with words. And that's why we have art.
My legs are so tired. I wore my sort-of-heeled flats on Saturday and then accidentally did a lot of walking in them. For the evening I switched to sneakers so it was okay. Today it was NINETY FIVE DEGREES outside so I broke out the sandals. They're comfortable, but not supportive enough so my feets get tired almost immediately, which I hate. My feet seem to be hot-wired directly into my 'function-normally' center of my brain. I honestly don't understand people who can just kick around in whatever, or barefoot. The higher-functioning aspects of my brain sort of shut off if my feet are not totally supported and dry and warm. If someone were to make a Maslow's pyramid of needs for me (about me?), the base would be: food, then foot comfort, then rest of clothes, then emotional support system, then Starbucks.
Regardless, I spent the day walking around in my sandals, until I got to Shoemania and bought an entirely different pair of summer shoes. They are probably ugly, but they are comfortable and cool (temperature-wise) so WHATEVEERRRRR FASHION SUCK MY DICK!
Then I walked some more, slightly more comfortably. It really was beautiful out. My skin smells like air and sun and all the good parts of summer in New York City. Jealous?
Today's Random Note From My Notebook:
remember this good feeling and choose at every moment to pursue such contentment.
it can be that simple.
1 hour ago