Wednesday, March 4, 2009

disparate thoughts, mayhaps a common thread

have you have found yourself drawing in those deep, shuddering breaths common after a desperate cry, but with no memory of such a cry?

today, i felt like a functional, responsible adult for the first time in probably a year. maybe ever. i didn't procrastinate once, i ate responsibly and at reasonable intervals, mailed my tax forms, and paid several bills. fancy! i even had enough stamps!

it's gloriously liberating to do a scene and worry not even one bit about game or finding a game. it's strange how much that low level dread and worry and anxiety to FIND a game has been filtering in and choking my scenes and reactions. there is a douglas adams quote relevant here, i will find the exact phrasing later.

i forgot about matchbox 20 for awhile. then, tonight, i had one line refrain from some matchbox song and i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out which. so i listened to them all the way home, and remembered why i used to listen to them so much. maybe a little heavy handed and occasionally simplistic, but for the most part, i really love rob thomas' songwriting (and singing) and i think they are really fun as a band. they will be reintegrating into my line up.

it's silly and exhausting to me to worry about whether or not what i am doing is 'art' or a 'hobby' or a casual pursuit or a social network... it's art. i have decided and i will not be made to feel shitty or weird about. i'm not in 7th grade anymore.

it's time to find things to have joyous adoration of; and then share them with one another. those are the things we love about one another; the things WE love. vent, yes; bitch, no. i promise to do it as well. plan on hearing 100% more stories about my sister, music i like, concerts i have been to, comedy scenes i love and british authors.

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