that's IT

i hearby declare not to care whether or not anyone thinks what i have to say is interesting or valid! e.g. i am listening to matchbox 20 right now.

expense reports are making me insane.

so is procrastination.

my tv is on my cedar trunk. it looks adorable. and so, so small. tay had a massive plasma HD tv. roommates!

i think i need more caffeine. and also, to stop drinking so much caffeine.

i saw a two people get into a nearly full-blown fight on the train platform last night. i didn't walk away, and i stayed right close so that i COULD intervene, but i didn't. my brain just kind of strangled out 'AUTHORITY! PLZ! SOMEONE IN A UNIFORM TAKE CARE OF THIS!'. finally a goth kid got up and stood between them. the guy in the fight wasn't huge, but he was definitely bigger than the woman he was shoving all around the platform. i feel like a fucking dick. thanks A LOT, stanley milgram.

cats are so weird!

i had to be out ALL DAY yesterday. i left my apartment at 9 am and got back at 2:55 am the next day. having a cat literally flip its shit out when you finally come home after being gone that long is... well a reminder that you routinely are 'out' in the world for nearly 24 hours at a time. dinosaur sat on my chest and attempted to burrow physically into my heart when i got home. and then i shoveled his poop out of his litter box. he seems to be intent on getting at least one good, huge poop stuck firmly to the bottom of the box, every day. thaaaaanks cat!

also, he is utterly fascinated with my scooping his litter box. he sits and watches me like it's the most interesting thing ever. is this weird? are cats as interested in their poop as people are, when they are honest? eh, he's probably just trying to hunt my fingers.

fun improv night last night. in a jam, i had a tag out scene with gethard, and the intensity and honesty he put into asking a worker at victoria's secret to try on a thong but to make sure and stuff it in order to mimic a dick fitting into it... well, it was a mini-improv lesson in committment. bluvband yelled that there were snakes coming out of alan's bosom and then shot himself with a rifle. all around great times.

i am so tired. might be getting sick. loving this weather though.

crankly

there is a 'crankly' brooklyn landlord recently highlighted by gawker as one of the few new york eccentrics left. i've transcribed the note he left about the use of trashcans in his building because it cracked me up.

YOU TENANTS BETTER STOP BEING SO STUPID AND RETARDED
WHEN I PUT GARBAGE CANS
OUT, I EXPECT YOU TO PUT
YOUR GARBAGE IN THOSE CANS AND
NOT ON TOP OF OTHER CANS AND COVERS

LAST WARNING

i wish he had kept up the crazy tone a little more for the whole thing. it starts off promising, and then kind of peters off and sounds almost normal at the end... until we find out that it is... THE LAST WARNING!





this almost makes me wish i didn't have the most hands-off super in the history of the world. also, crankly is an awesome word. like crinkly and cranky. i haven't decided whether i think the gawker did that on purpose or if the writer just thinks that is how 'cranky' is spelled. my aunt makes delicious cookies called chocolate crinkles and now i want some. damn you, crankly landlord! damn youuuu!!

you can read the whole run down of new york's current eccentrics here: http://gawker.com/photogallery/nyceccentricswphotos/

tom cruise is a nutball

and i hope no one is shocked. in case you haven't heard, an indoctrination video from an upper level of the scientological echelon was leaked onto the internet yesterday. tom cruise laughs maniacally, and talks nonsense for 10 minutes. i do that too, but i don't try to make anyone pay me to tell them more of it*. see gawker for the video, i guess it's still exclusive.

anyway, i was perusing a forum thread on the video, and someone posted this question:

This is just a jumble of bad metaphors. What questions could possibly lead to
answers like this.

well, mr. internet sir or madam, i just happen to have those questions right here:

1) why banana pant a cymbal! thousand finger clam bake. stew a fantastic awesome sauce? FOIL! FOIL!! FOIL!!!!

2) how can i get in tight with the heaviest power players in hollywood without changing my name to silversteinbergman?

it really is that simple. scientology is bat shit crazy, but it's also a tool for suave players in hollywood. and an insidious one. scientology bothers me more than other 'religions' because it's really just a cult. the methods they use are the same techniques used to break down personalities in the >insert cult here<>insert cult here< size="1">* well i guess that's not strictly true, but i don't ask that anyone believes the shite i spout onstage.