Wednesday, February 4, 2009

real thoughts

coughing is the worst. it makes me have to pee more, in addition to being terribly annoying and painful in its own right. also it means i can't talk loudly or catch my breath or sometimes even breathe at all without coughing more

i gotta work on getting angry. when i get angry, i get distracted and sloppy and i am pretty much just an asshole. i should hone and control and shape that anger into righteous power that i can call on at my convenience, and when people touch me in in public.

i think i also need to work on expressing that anger. i tend to think 2-3 seconds of acid filled eye contact lets people know that i am fucking pissed, but that's not true, because telepathy isn't real, and really i should stop being a damn pussy and tell people when i am mad at them, and why. my feelings aren't invalid, but i should be professional enough to set them aside to get a job done.

i think it's hardest to do in improv - setting aside your current emotional maelstrom i mean. despite thousands of hours of training and rehearsing and watching and ingraining... when you improvise, you are still you; with all your baggage and good qualities AND negative ones. and what i am is... kind of a dick. i don't know what to do except work to be a better, kinder, more open and accepting person. because i can be that person, and i am when i feel comfortable and content; the key comes in being that person when you are upset and tired and hungry and angry and anxious. that's the damn key.

positive thoughts time.

also, it's laundry time. oh and i need mouthwash. and one of those water filtering things for my picky cat.

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