Tuesday, July 22, 2008


to me, milk is like mark walhberg. he's a great, often vital part of an ensemble cast; 'i <3 huckabees' = AWESOME. hot, spiced hot chocolate with handmade marshmallows? FANSTASTIC. but by himself, or if he tries to carry a whole project by himself, it's usually a disaster. 'planet of the apes' (2001) = yikes... just... don't. milk by itself in a glass = oh no. why..? like... ah... just... no. and if it's an ensemble piece with the wrong chemistry and poor planning, it's almost more painful. 'four brothers'? do you guys remember what a piece of shit that thing was? marky mark ruined chiwetel ejiofor for me. and he's awesome! cold milk and soggy cereal? do you guys remember how awesome frosted flakes are right out of the box? milk ruined captain crunch for me.

and captain crunch is awesome.

however, also like mark walhberg, milk provides the genesis for a lot of stuff that somehow surpasses it's own potential. i am thinking of course of cheese, and 'entourage'. and ice cream. and 'boogie... nights'?

it is possible to push a metaphor so far into the ground that it's no longer recognizable as a metaphor. it just looks like cottage cheese that's been dumped in the dirt, and there's one ant stuck in it, and also like that P.O.S. 'the happening'. OH SHIT, YOU GOT OWNED MARK WAHLBERG, AND BY EXTENSION, M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN!

i am aware that some of you milk proponents will find fault with what i have posted here. i can only reassert that i am right and you are wrong.


Johnny McNulty said...

Let it be known that I drink milk out of the glass constantly. I have received a lot of guff for this, but I cite that not only is it delicious, and tastes colder than other beverages, but I haven't broken a bone ever, knock on wood, despite having a lifelong tendency to get bodily hurled into things (I do have 10+ concussions, but my brain is not the issue here).

ruby sneakers said...

but that is because you are a super hero, johnny.

and i actually drink ~18 ounces of milk a day, but i add a ton of ice and sugar and espresso to it first. just like how mark wahlberg needs dustin hoffman and a lily tomlin and a bike to be awesome.