an entry

it's been a pretty busy week and a half, but not so busy that it should preclude me from updating with a good frequency. the end of the month is always a little crazy at work, as i am a pretend accountant but we have a real close at the end of every month. i think the real reason is that i have a harder time writing when things in my emotional life are feeling pretty okay. black despair and horribleness found in every situation? WRITE ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET! feeling manic and silly and ridiculous? WRITE SILLY STUFF ON THE INTERNET!

i am trying to work on experiencing my emotions and not just trying to analyze them intellectually until they go away or i am distracted by something else. so i will also try to write on a more regular basis.

that reminds me of something my mom used to yell at my dad for; he would call me a space cadet and she would freak out on him, going on about self fulfilling prophecies, and clearly convinced that assigning a role in childhood attaches that role to the kid for life. i think she's right, but it's weird that that's what i remember. their argument about whether to use some semi-cruel endearment. i don't know if my mom remembers that. she used to be a huge feminist, but now she reads mystery novels and sells mary kay.