surviving in new york, and also, bits

i don't have any clips for bags of food. i've lived in new york for 2 and half years. in my own apartment. i lived by myself in college for three years, and i had a kitchen for most of that time. so how is it possible that i have avoided collecting this rather vital piece of food storage ephemera?

i think it's probably because i keep all my opened food in the refridgerator. including bags of chips. it is because i am deathly afraid of pests and roaches. which is basically really dumb because my roommate routinely leaves between 3 and 12 open and only partially eaten boxes of cereal in his half of the cabinetry, along with a helpful smattering of delicious crumbs and froot loops around the counters and floors. i choose to think that means that my respect for another's lifestyle choice outweighs my desire not to cry and scream in terror and not just lazy. i am also pro-choice and very liberal so i guess that is actually pretty internally logical of me.

and i, of course, am definitely part of the griminess problem, but i do make some effort. it's hard to make ALL the effort though.

and it means if we (knock on wood) ever get pests, i won't be the one to almost eat a cockroach out of a chip bag and subsequently find out, since my stuff will be in the refridgerator and therefore SAFE!

bits:

i met ryan reynolds a couple years ago (he's a friend of a friend, oh gosh i am SO cool) and he was really incredibly nice and funny, but also polite and extremely handsome. and he was totally into doing bits. i didn't call them that then, but that's what they were. being silly and playing a fun little game. it was really fun. i didn't think too much of him before that night, but afterwards i knew he was totally awesome.

i have a newish bit where i insist that i've written sitcoms about my friends who live together, even if they don't actually live together. then i sing the theme song of the sitcom. surprisingly, i've actually done it a lot to different people. it's always fun. i also like complaining about the casting, and insist that i wanted b-list actors for most of the parts, but that the studio insisted i use my friends instead.

i've been saying NAILED IT! alot. only when the bit is awkward or dumb to begin with, and obviously not working. alternately, assuring my audience that the random thing i just did was a 'REALLY good bit. like, really SOLID.'

FUCK i just got lavender ink on my new white sweatshirt FUUUUUCK. this is not a bit. damn it damn it damn it.

now i am doing laundry tonight. FUCK.

OH and my newest bit is one where i introduce a topic, only to end up only talking about a celebrity i've met.