exhausting

i have a bunch of stuff to do today, work-wise. far more stuff than i actually have time to do. normally i would just ignore most of the work until i was about to be in trouble for not doing it, and then do it all quickly (i suck) but today i just feel fucking tense and stressed out about it. i think it's mostly because i need to eat something and i can't seem to get that croissant into my mouth.

sigh.

my apartment's really clean though.

i listened to an interview with eddie izzard on the train this morning. his style is a pretty massive influence on my conscious comedy development. he's conversational and intelligent and passionate and silly. and british. sooooo everything i want to be. plus we both love playing with make up.

i have 2 pretty solid jokes to write out today, and i thought of something in the shower last night. i don't think this is capable of being funny, BUT it is one of my guiding principles so i need to be aware of that. is it weird that i think you need to be aware of your own perspective and guiding principles in order to really write comedy from your perspective? a little. does it mean i think about comedy too much? yes, definitely. but onwards to my guiding principle revelation:
behavior HAS to be rational. always. but art (particularly music and comedy) does not. both of those genres (in the post modern age at least) are almost designed to be irrational. i think that's part of why i connect with both so deeply. and emotionally. emotions are not rational, but i want them to be. so i don't deny that i feel them, but i do ALWAYS require that my resulting behavior be rational. which is one reason i think i get so frustrated with people who do what they WANT as opposed to what (i think) is rational and good for them. i know that makes me an insufferable, judgmental cunt basically. but i don't care. and to clarify, that behavior doesn't make me not like people who do that. it makes me crazy, yes, but they are still people i care about and i try to remain an 'objective' friend to them. unless they weren't people i cared about to begin with, in which case i then find their behavior an excuse to be warmly and smugly condescending of them. ha ha!

croissant update: i ate most of it. things are looking up, world!

oh right. i need to play make up, that will make me feel better. thank you for the reminder, mr. izzard!