notes from underground

that title doesn't really have anything to do with anything. i've never even gotten into any russian literature really, but that doesn't stop me from being obsessed with the idea that there are no articles in russian. HOW!?! i do not understand how that's possible. it sounds impossibly awkward and non-specific to my 'only english with a dash of the smallest amount possible of a romance language' - ear. i dunno. for some reason the notion of lacking 'a' and 'the' baffles me even more than gendered words, WHICH IS TOTALLY INSANE. i remember my language teacher in 6th grade telling us just to accept that there were male and female words and get over it, because there wasn't any good 'why' that we'd understand or that would be useful to us.

FAIR WARNING: the rest of this posting will be all about writing and magic and other nerdy stuff like that.

anyway, moving on. finished the first of my purchased books for research; alanna by tamora pierce. UGH. not particularly enjoyable, even for me. maybe it was just the audience she thought she was writing for, but it's really dumb. the language (and dialogue) is an awkward mix of "medieval"-speke and modern english slang usage. fyi, ma'am, no girl-disguised-as-a-boy page training to be a knight says 'I don't get it!'. yuck. it was written in 1983 so i guess that's an excuse. i dunno, it just really reminded me how fucking revolutionary the harry potter books popularity is going to to be on popular children's literature. rowling NEVER talked down to her audience, except maybe a little in the first book, but that was (imo) the editors / americanizer's doing. i dunno. i would never cut corners in a story anyway, i am far too long-winded and detail oriented for that, but i do need to learn to find a balance between exposition and moving through an important three month period of a character's life in HALF A SENTENCE.
[GOB] COME ON![/GOB]

i've decided on first person. i think i'm most comfortable with that. telling myself telling a story.

assorted sundries

i bought 4 young adult novels centering primarily on a magical theme. i am choosing to call them 'research' and not be embarrassed by them.

standing for an 1.5 hour show, then dancing / running around / standing and talking for an additional 5 hours now, SUDDENLY makes my back seize up. I'M SOOOO OLD!

i was told that i look like the youngest of my sisters and that i have translucent skin over the weekend (2 different conversations) and i had two of my weirdest fears (suspicions?) confirmed. le sigh.

it's incredibly nice to have someone you respect validate your talent, even if it's late at night at a ucb party, and it means nothing... really, it's still nice. REMEMBER TO MAKE PEOPLE SMILE AND FEEL GOOD. we have that power to do that for each other. let's fucking use it, humanity.

i still haven't watched the dvr'd debates. i'll try to make myself after work tonight.

fuck i am tired. but great weekend. kisses!

corollary cat post

i was attack cuddled as soon as i got home tonight. dinosaur's a pretty cool cat, when he's not being totally fucking cracked out. we're chilling out watching tv right now. it's a thumbs up moment.

now to get a picture of him being dune cat. he does it all the time, he stretches out with his legs underneath him and it looks like he's a sand worm. and he his face looks like a tiger when he scrunches his face up when i am scratching at his

am i a dick?

for not loving my new cat yet? what? he's new! i think he's really cute? we hardly know each other! i don't just start loving people willy-nilly! we've only had one real conversation, and that was about meatball subs! hardly grounds for falling madly in love with one another.

REMEMBER

• it's FUN! try your fucking damnedest to make the rest of your team laugh so hard that it becomes physically painful to finish that scene.
• i am now afraid of being predictable. sure, i should worry about being consistent before i worry about being predictable... but well now it's there.
• trust yourself.
• get a silver or copper ring made with the following stamped on the outside:

i'll take the moon
i'll take the sun from the starry sky
and decorate your nights with light

• and this on the inside:

i'm charged with the radiance of the dawn
that's been so long breaking

• to eat.

cats are so weird!

i had to be out ALL DAY yesterday. i left my apartment at 9 am and got back at 2:55 am the next day. having a cat literally flip its shit out when you finally come home after being gone that long is... well a reminder that you routinely are 'out' in the world for nearly 24 hours at a time. dinosaur sat on my chest and attempted to burrow physically into my heart when i got home. and then i shoveled his poop out of his litter box. he seems to be intent on getting at least one good, huge poop stuck firmly to the bottom of the box, every day. thaaaaanks cat!

also, he is utterly fascinated with my scooping his litter box. he sits and watches me like it's the most interesting thing ever. is this weird? are cats as interested in their poop as people are, when they are honest? eh, he's probably just trying to hunt my fingers.

fun improv night last night. in a jam, i had a tag out scene with gethard, and the intensity and honesty he put into asking a worker at victoria's secret to try on a thong but to make sure and stuff it in order to mimic a dick fitting into it... well, it was a mini-improv lesson in committment. bluvband yelled that there were snakes coming out of alan's bosom and then shot himself with a rifle. all around great times.

i am so tired. might be getting sick. loving this weather though.

oh and

i adopted a cat. from the backyard of a theatre where i tech and perform occasionally. obviously. i still need to bring him to the vet and get him fixed and all. his name is dinosaur. he's quite friendly, but we are working on behavior and stuff, and getting to know each other. his tail has a ton of attitude, and is way more expressive than his face. also he likes to wipe it right in your face in the morning. thanks, dinosaur!

honestly, this is kind of scary. i am excited, but this is the first time i've owned a pet that doesn't live in a cage, and which my mom probably won't steal away and keep for herself. it is making me realize how profoundly selfish i am at this stage in my life. it's pretty disgusting. i don't really do ANYTHING for anyone besides me. it's the katey show, 24-7. i think this will be good, being forced to be responsible for another being's life.

also, dinosaur's got SPOTS! and tiger stripes on his legs. god, he's the most badass cat ever, i can tell.

until we cut his little cat balls off, anyway. muahahahaha!! RESPONSIBILITY! AH AH AH!

name for a cat

douglas noel samuel adams-vimes

aka DINOSAUR.

problem: solved

i bought a fedora. halloween costume idea forthcoming.

halloween costumes

soliciting suggestions for halloween costumes.

to give some guidelines:

i was considering going as ford prefect
last year i went as a hipster (bleaah) (mostly so i could wear sneakers)
i have gone as the elven hero legolas greenleaf
i have also been hermione granger
favorite costume last year: guy as shawn from shawn of the dead. well done, funny and subtle without being 'ungettable'. i yelled after him what an awesome costume it was.


i won't wear a costume that is overly uncomfortable or pointlessly revealing or not-weather-appropriate. i would prefer a character i am familiar with. my hair's really too short to do hermione or legolas again.
i could maybe get away with granger, but i am not really feeling it.

i am willing to buy portions of the costume, but won't buy something premade. will totally crossdress.

go to it, the internets! provide me with a plethora of awesome suggestions!

remember TBA?

i remember my mom driving to whitin intermediate school in late july in our silver van, with various neighborhood kids as soon as we heard that they posted the next school year's class assignments in the window of the lobby. we'd rush to the window so we could find out who was in our homeroom and who the teacher was. that seems like a really weird and archaic system now that i think about it, but it was so cool when in middle school. in 7th grade i remember being so excited about my class; our homeroom teacher was TBA! mysterious! an unknown! she was probably young and pretty and wanted a new friend, a friend who was skinny and tiny and could tell her all about magical horses and wales and mythology and native americans and star trek! and the i was excited because my best friend kaitlin was in my homeroom class, again, as were some of the popular boys who i emulated and loved, and who, unlike the popular girls, were never terribly mean to me. not to my face anyway. i think we were called the advanced class, the honors and AP track of middle school. we were also the only homeroom that had all our classes together. for someone as socially ignorant as i was, this an incredibly good thing.

my teacher turned out to be young and pretty and generally sweet; although kind of dumb. it surprises me that i really knew which of my teachers were fucking idiots at that point, but i did. i remember my spelling teacher who wouldn't even read what lesson the words you'd written were for, she'd just walk around and put a check mark on it if it looked right. it took the class about a week to figure that out. i think we collectively did maybe 1/3 of the spelling assignments total that year, and just faked and recycled assignments for the rest. great training for the real world. and then later in the year, she baked chicken for the medieval festival on cookie sheets (which don't have an edge to prevent the fat from dripping off onto the coils of the oven) and started a fire. i had even told her we had to use real baking pans but she had ignored me. my history teacher in 7th grade, mr. allega, who was a very nice guy but whose primary teaching philsophy seemed to be centered around the proper way to gluestick drawings on construction paper. but the next year, in 8th grade, we had a history teacher who i still admire. he was from the catholic private school system and he DID NOT fuck around. you had to get up really early in the morning to pull one over on that guy. but he was such a great, if scary, teacher. he helped confirm my love for history, and drove home how much good teaching is really the teacher performing for the students. he was also the first teacher i remember being genuinely funny, although he could be caustic and more than a little cruel. he also liked me, which was nice.

some improv thoughts

i am going to transcribe some notes i took while watching a show i hated. when i read them later, i could still sense the vitriol, but i also really liked the way some of the stuff was phrased.

reproduced as accurately as possible: (i was writing in lavender)

-justification w/o game is boring
-game (pattern) w/o justification is also boring
-just calling shit out is lazy & boring and negative
-calling out unusual behavior is wanted by the audience & responsible, supportive improv
-forcing 'game' is creepy and frustrating
-calling out is a way of avoiding committing to the scene and your character choice
-have your scene partner's reaction force you to play your pattern / game.
-don't be fucking combative.
-EDIT / REACT / HELP / DEFINE / ACTIVE / LISTEN
-don't be confused or upset by the mundane.

that last is probably my favorite. it happens so often, and it's almost always boring and frustrating to watch.

and a note from a later point, on the other side of the page:

Zach Woods always wears blue button down shirts.

dance shawl

this week's been really weird for me so far. yesterday i was sent home while still in the midst of paying for my morning coffee, because a pipe burst in our building and most of the place was flooded. i ended up doing laundry and then wandering for most of the day. it was like having a three day weekend but instead of wasting that magical day sleeping, i actually got up early and got a lot of shit done. as opposed to my roommate, who neither emptied the trash, nor replaced the spent light bulb in the kitchen (i can't reach it). and i do get that. sometimes doing nothing begets the ability to ONLY do nothing, but at some point, even my terribly lazy ass is shaken up to do something. and half heartedly washing one dish doesn't count as something.
sigh.

today i came in to find my desk still in disarray, which meant there was plaster and semi-dried out detritus of notes i had taken and left for myself strewn all about the top of the desk and the floor. they'd pulled everything off the top of my desk and on to the floor for it to dry (better?). gross. it smells like an old basement in my corner of the office. finally, after much adventuring and fortunate sightings of the one IT guy i've met to let him know that my computer hadn't been moved up to the conference room my area is now squatting in, i was set up today at 3 pm. a side note: i rarely post much in the way of career-advice here, but the one constant i've learned in my 3 years in 'corporate' america is to always befriend the IT guy. usually they're similarly nerdy and desperate for attention, so i get the benefit of someone to discuss star trek with, and the ability to download shit. although they are not often good audiences. too self-absorbed to play along with any bit but their own.

i did get to go buy a book to amuse myself, which is awesome, and i get to 'expense' it apparently. thrilling! i bought steve martin's born standing up, i've burned through the 3/4s of it already. very worthwhile read, comedians. i'll post some pertinent excerpts soon.

now i need to go back down to my dreadful, mildewy desk area and pick up some work to do. i've almost got the hang of it here. ALMOST.

improv specific post to follow.

cadaver synod

holy shit, i love wikipedia.

from Pope Fornosus' page:

Pope Stephen VI, the successor of Boniface, influenced by Lambert and Agiltrude, sat in judgment of Formosus in 897, in what was called the Cadaver Synod. The corpse was disinterred, clad in papal vestments, and seated on a throne to face all the charges from John VIII. The verdict was that the deceased had been unworthy of the pontificate. All his measures and acts were annulled, and the orders conferred by him were declared invalid. The papal vestments were torn from his body, the three fingers from his right hand that he had used in consecrations were cut off and the corpse was thrown into the Tiber (and later retrieved by a monk).

and from the Cadaver Synod page:

Probably around January of 897, Stephen VI ordered that the body of his predecessor Formosus be removed from its tomb and brought to the papal court for judgement.
Formosus was accused of transmigrating sees in violation of canon law, of perjury, and of serving as a bishop while actually a layman. Liutprand and other sources say that Stephen had the body stripped of its papal vestments, cut off the three fingers of his right hand used for benedictions, and declared all of his acts and ordinations (including his ordination of Stephen VI as bishop of Anagni) invalid. The body was finally interred in a graveyard for foreigners, only to be dug up once again, tied to weights, and cast into the Tiber River.
According to Liutprand’s version of the story, Stephen VI said: "When you were bishop of Porto, why did you usurp the universal Roman see in such a spirit of ambition?”[15]

so to sum up, a later pope had an earlier pope dug up, dressed up in robes, yelled at it and accused it of being a bad, erm, dead body, then tooks its clothes off again and cut off its fingers. ashes to ashes and all that... i am confused on so many levels. and i love it!

sometimes i wish i had encouraged my history tendencies a little more. shit's crazy!

Twang of the Void: Matt & His Pesky Appendix

Twang of the Void: Matt & His Pesky Appendix

jesus, matt, what do we have to do to keep you out of the hospital for 10 days straight?

that is an awesome picture though. and highlights his new awesome glasses. and huge thanks to danielle for keeping us in the loop!

several items of note

i went to bed at 10 pm last night. insanity.

matt little's in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. true insanity. can't the kid get a break? fucking bummer. there'll be a card for people to sign at cagematch tonight. positive thoughts vibing out that way.

been thinking a lot about 9/11/01 today. that day... i like to take a few minutes and think about that day and the subsequent weeks every year, at least. i'd recount my day, but it was pretty unremarkable. one of my most vivid memories was holding anne wheeler as she sat in her triple on the 4th floor, immobile but with tears streaming down her face because she couldn't get in touch with her family (basically her entire extended family lived in styvestant town). i remember the way her hair smelled. later that week, i think thursday, i couldn't stand being inside so i went and read 'no exit' on the quad and watched the planes flying by and wondering how the world was going to change, and how i didn't think it was fair, because my generation hadn't even gotten a chance to start before everything changed. i remember hearing arguments about 'the death of irony' and getting incredibly mad about that. i remember my first thoughts of KNOWING that the president would get on TV immediately and make it clear that we couldn't over-react out of grief to this situation, and that we had to make extra certain to not assume that our neighbors and brothers from the middle east were involved just because it was easy to lash out; and i remember being numb and betrayed when that decidedly didn't happen. i remember being so sad and scared at the images of people falling, and at the idea of all those firefighters and cops who went back in. i remember crying for my roommate's father who was in the navy and just off a tour. i remember it, and i think it's important to remember and share what we remember. i didn't intend for this to be so long. i think sometimes we all need to proust out a little.

getting angry in public

jrw:

Being the spoiled Manhattan-ite that I am, I drop off all of my regular clothes (tshirts, shorts, jeans, socks, sheets) at a small laundromat on my corner. Today, I walked in to find two people in line at the counter.

The lady at the counter was very angry and was yelling at the two ladies working there. Apparently, a pair of shorts she sent in got ripped, and those were the most important shorts in the world.

“I’m never coming to this place again! I’m going to sue this place and shut it down! HOW COULD YOU RIP MY SHORTS?!?!… “

By this point the lady behind the counter was politely telling the lady she was sorry, and started to dial a phone… I’m assuming to call a manager.

“Yeah you GET SOMEONE ONE THAT PHONE! GAH! How could you RIP MY SHORTS!!!!”

The yelling lady then looks back at me and the lady behind her and starts enlightening us.

“Never come here, this happens all the time, they are AWFUL here!”

This goes on for another 5 minutes, her yelling, the people saying sorry, calling different managers and stuff. She finally looks to me for some acknowledgement, and I just lost it.

I calmly but firmly state, “You should be nicer to them..”

This pisses her off and she snaps, “How would YOU feel if they ripped your shorts and lost half of your clothes?”

“Look lady, it happens sometimes, just be nice to them, they don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

“Oh whatever buddy, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!”

I raise my voice.

“You MADE it my business when you turned around to get my acknowledgement! BE NICE TO THEM”

By this point I was barking.

The laundromat lady then comes back with her garment, they didn’t lose her clothes after all. She calmly pays, then walks out, right past me.

“Have a nice day” I say bluntly.

“FUCK YOU”

I start screaming now.

“BE NICE. THESE PEOPLE WASH YOUR CLOTHES FOR YOU. IF YOU WANT TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN DAMN LAUNDRY!”

“FUCK YOU”

I scream across the street…
“HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!!! BE NICE TO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I’m a little riled up at this point, go inside to drop off my clothes, and apologize to the people for yelling. They thank me heartily and I go… I don’t think any of MY clothes will be ripped when I pick them up tomorrow.

i also have a story about a retail experience, yelling and being a spoiled manhattanite, but unfortunately it's from the opposite side of the situation. this is long.

okay, so i love starbucks. i don't give a fuck, i like lots of shit that people lambast for being populist pseudo-high class consumerism, and starbucks is one of them. i go there every day. occasionally i go there twice a day. and i always get one of two versions of the same drink. the drink sounds kind of complicated, but i used to work at starbucks and if you work there, it makes sense. okay. so i am admitting that i buy a $4.50
drink at starbucks 365 times a year. fuck me. anyway, moving on.

the point i am trying to make is that i know what goes in my drink, and how much it costs. the drink is an iced grande caramel macchiato with 4 pumps of vanilla and 4 pumps of caramel. i say it this way because if i just say that i wanted my drink
with a caramel flavor shot (which is how you would say it for any other drink, for example a hot cocoa or a mocha) they think i mean that i just want extra caramel topping, which is not what i want. i want 4 pumps of the caramel syrup. okay. so the drink comes with 4 pumps of vanilla syrup. (technically 3, but NO ONE remembers that, because it's the only drink that has that ratio). on the rare occasion that i am actually charged for the extra flavor shot, it's 30 cents. fine. i would estimate that i am charged that extra amount once every... 30 or 40 times i go to starbucks. very rarely. but i have no problem when i am because they are just doing their job completely. and i would like to add that 99% of the starbucks i go to in the city are really awesome and i never have a problem with them. so now on to the story.

yesterday, i decided to stop at the newish chelsea starbucks on 7th avenue. i shouldn't've, because i like the 8th avenue one, and it was the same length of walk for me. but i decided to branch out and see if it was worth it to ever grab a table for weekend reading afternoons. i got there and started giving my drink to the woman working the cashier; she interrupts me before i am finished. fine, i just politely reinterjected and added the rest of my drink. she glares at me and goes 'you know that comes with 3 pumps of caramel, right?' (i think to myself 'no, it comes with 3 pumps of vanilla, but fine) but i say, 'okay, but i what i want is 4 pumps of vanilla and 4 pumps of caramel.' she glares at me again and then starts ringing up the drink... hitting 'flavor shot' FOR EACH PUMP. i interrupt her and say 'i'm sorry, the 30 cents are for each unit of flavor, not each pump. and she SNAPS at me, 'no it's not, it's each pump' and starts going on and on about how she knows what she's doing. finally i say, 'i used to work here, i know how the flavors work, i am not going to pay an extra $2 for the flavor.' it degenerated from there, but at some point, i ask for my card back and said the phrases: 'i don't give a shit' and 'whatever'. finally she's like 'well, i am just going to ask a manager, she'll tell you'.

she calls someone over, describing the situation and trying to make it sound like i was in the wrong; however the manager sides with me because 1) i was fucking RIGHT and 2) i am the fucking customer. even if i was wrong and being even more of a bitch than i was, don't fucking be a condescing asshole and then pursue an argument with me, i'm the customer. the manager tells her to charge me for one flavor shot; she ended up charging me for two, but i didn't fucking give a shit at that point. then she started muttering and ranting about 'them telling her different things all the time and making her look like she didn't know what was she was doing'. newsflash, you didn't know what you were doing. trust me ma'am, that shit is in the manual, because i had to take it home and read the mother fucker. the manager was really polite and nice, and made my drink herself and made it very well.

i do feel terrible that the little spat is in that woman's day now. i worked various retail jobs through HS and college and i make it a point to be incredibly polite, and often joke around with, people who are serving me in some capacity. partly i do it because i enjoy being friendly, but i mostly do it because i remember how much silly moments of positivity like that brightened my whole day. i want to be someone who spreads positive vibes and all that shit, i don't want to be making negativity multiply and spread throughout the city.

the kicker was really the woman behind me in line giving me looks for, well, being a bitch, but i prefer to think of it as self-riotiously cheap and caring too much about winning an argument. (GAH I WAS RIGHT). fuck you, lady in your yoga gear. would you pay half again as much for your soy decaf chai BLAH BLAH BLAH if your server was ringing it up wrong? you totally wouldn't. and if you would, you are an idiot and a floormat and you should stand up for yourself. don't commiserate with the cashier loudly so that i can hear. if you want to tell me i am a bitch, do it. and i will gladly return the favor.

p.s. fuck you.

man. that was one of the first times i've ever gotten actually angry (in person) at someone who wasn't a family member, person in an improv scene, person in a bit, friend or drunk bitch in a bar.

ways i have injured myself in the past 24 hours

i dropped (essentially threw) a clipboard from a tremendous height and it landed on my big toe, at an angle. it hurts.
i managed to sleep on my left wrist so weirdly that i woke up almost crying because it hurt so bad.
kicked myself in the leg, hard, while trying to pull off sneaker of one foot with other foot.
gave myself shin splints from running around trying to find people's desks on the 5 floors of this city block sized building. also, from taking the stairs each time.
in a stomach fight for eating curry. it was tasty curry though. boo.

all the wine is all for me

what's happening, internet?

an iffy weekend that ended on a high note. in other words, i had fun group games, and solid third beats, but the 1st and second beats of my weekend were definitely really rough.

sorry, i'll never do that again.*

the lorelei had a great show last night, it really was a blast. good audience with a great line up and i wasn't a terrible host. i think my between show stories/bits went over slightly better, overall, which just serves to reinforce what i've found consistently throughout improv; that i almost always talk all the power out of my moves and lines, but if i just hold back and edit and... chose my moves and my words, i am way better. it was the same ting in writing college papers. i go on and on and on, and get excited about this sub topic or the other, and i lose sight of making the hard-hitting, well-reasoned points i was setting out to make. i'm working on it. taking my time. i am so impatient.

i kind of made myself tell some friends how i was actually doing, instead of the perennial katey mega-hit.. TELLING PEOPLE I AM AWESOME ALL THE TIME! it was good. talking is good. i also called my sister, which was awesome, as usual. she's pretty awesome you guys. and she has a wicked cool name. but mostly she's a good listener, a great audience, and i can talk to her about most stuff.

and i got paid out for my untaken vacation days at my old work and bought an awesome purse and wallet. and i went out to eat, TWICE. i went out to brunch with some lovely women, mostly friends of a friend, but it was nice. several had hung out with improvisors before, and it was funny hearing their perspective of them (us) has a social group to hang out with. most of us do have that strange combination of social awkwardness, combined with the need to be extremely social. and it was nice to just be girly. we went to UNI QLO, which was CRAZY. that place is awesome. and huge. and colorful. AND they will alter stuff you buy there, FOR FREE, same day. that is beyond baffling to me. plus they had reasoanbly priced stuff. i would have gone a little crazy if it hadn't been too humid in there. then i got caught in the rain and a guy waiting for the bathroom at starbucks complimented me on my glasses.

topics i wish to discuss what i have been thinking about... regarding those topics.

alcohol: i drank every night this weekend, and ate very poorly. and stayed up very late each night. my attempts at self-destruction are much like a kitten ravaging a foot under a blanket; vaguely annoying but entertaining for everyone watching.

improv: been thinking about it lately. SERIOUSLY. specifically how i write about it on this blog. i tend to keep my observations focused on my own stuff, and what i am working on. kind of weird. i guess i think i still don't have the 'right' to have opinions on improv in this semi-public forum. odd, because i have very definitive opinions about improv. i am going to try and write about them at least a little more often, and not feel like i am not 'allowed' to. i don't want to ever come off as mean or critical to someone about their show, because that isn't my place, but i am allowed to have an opinion and i want to focus and clarify my thoughts through the medium of writing. plus, while i have not been around improv for a LONG time, comparatively, i've seen A LOT of improv. in the last year and half, i've missed one harold night. i missed the first two harolds for 8 weeks when i had a tuesday class. otherwise, with the exception of few missed harolds here and there, i've seen them. i've seen almost all of bastian's shows, i think. i usually see new team harold and the 11 show too. and cagematch, another 2 teams. and i see an average of 6 teams perform every weekend. yeah, i get to have an opinion. DEAL WITH IT, SUCKAZ.

writing generally: i am going to start doing more. but for reals this time. i want to try to work on sketches, but i have a hard time concentrating on them if i am not immediately inspired, so i am going to start two other projects to work on concurrently as well; a collection of personal essays/stories and a novel. fuck. yes.

stand up: do more of it. streamline what i have. collect my best material and do it more often. in front of random people. simon was bugging me about it last night, and he's right. so's chris. i am in the process of seeing if i can get a second night at the parkside every month, just pushing it. advertising well, all that jazz. you know, being professional. oh yeah, you know, i can tell you know.

bits: i like them, and will do a fun bit until it stops being fun. sure there are times i DON'T want to be doing a bit because i want to be real for half a second, but i think sometimes people forget that we do bits to have fun.

relationships: i used to always want a relationship. then i realized i didn't, other, outside forces were telling me that i did want one. so i pursued a rigiourous policy of non-dating. the policy was softened a little over a year ago, and i went on 2 dates. a non-dating policy was reinstated shortly thereafter. recently, there has been stirring in the senate and house bodies to re: the total moratorium regarding all kissy-feely items the congress has formerly found reprehensible and icky. senate fillibusters have ranged in the gamit in topic, from the fact that perhaps earlier bills had been passed hastily, and with out all available information being processed and analyzed, to the fact that it might just be possible that katey is an immature idiot. this paragraph is fucked up, but i am not changing. also, sometimes you just want to be held until everything is alright. that's a thing, right? people want that? i don't know.

work: i still don't have a calendar, a tape dispenser, scissors, a filing cabinet, drawers or a lamp. i love it.

music: it's awesome. also, i am not sure if listening to music that resonates with your mood perfectly (and then obsessively listening to that song or album on repeat) is a healthy thing or now. i do know that i do it all the time.

also, 'flesh' by david gray is a truly phenomenal album.

tattoos: i am definitely in the process of thinking actively about what i want to get. i had a discussion with a friend about tattoo placement a little recently. but i have a couple of design concepts i want to think about more, and am excited by! pretty ink! all up in this bitch! DEAL WITH IT, SUCKAZ!

longest, ramblingiest blogpost ftw!

*will not be the last time i do that.

either

i am maturing and learning to clean and stay more organized, or new obsessive behaviors are brewing. either way, i'll take it, my kitchen sink is so nice and clean!

i think i need to start performing regularly again. or at least rehearsing. it's been... AT LEAST 2 weeks since i was a dragon or a monk or a petulant child or a one-eyed tomcat begging for change on the subway platform.
*

*1000000 points if you know which of those i actually play on a regular basis. BOOYEAH.

additionally... i am really appalled that people seem to be falling for this sarah palin move. although i must say i did fall for the comedy-pandering of picking someone with the same last name as a british comedy legend. WAY TO PANDER TO THE FAR LEFT OF ALTERNATIVE COMEDY, MCCAIN CAMP!

for realz though, here's a great article my friend posted: http://www.washingtonindependent.com/3671/the-reform-candidate

another thought: i forgot. but dancing is awesome, tell your friends!

wikipedia, you don't know what benign means

Found along the bottom of all entries in the sleep portal:

Benign phenomena:

Dream · Exploding head syndrome · False awakening · Hypnagogia · Hypnic jerk · Lucid dream · Nightmare · Nocturnal emission · Sleep paralysis · Somnolence

yikes, wikipedia. don't want to know what you think the malignant sleep phenomena are.

in other news, i guess i STILL don't have bed bugs... but i want to know what the fuck that bug i found in my laundry bag thinks it was.

also, who the fuck keeps calling my cell from an 888 number and not leaving a message?

moving on

it's been a weird time for me recently. not bad, weird. everything is changing, and i don't like it. i've changed jobs, left my improv group, basically lost all contact with a majority of my college friends, renewed my relationship with some other college friends, albeit, perhaps, superficially. maybe i've grown up a little. but i feel like i probably haven't. and i think i am most upset about losing those college friends. i've been out of college for 3 years now (yikes). that drift happened gradually, i think. there was never a big fight, or a team meeting, but now i am suddenly not in the north crew, or whatever that amalagam of college friends was. as a group of friends, in college, they were unrivaled. i honestly believe that; especially that freshman year. for a weird, intensely extroverted, yet almost-totally-without-friends kid from the white-trashiest part of massachusetts, and how incredibly accepted i felt by those girls in north -- i have a hard time putting into words how much that meant to me, and how much it utterly changed my life, for the better. september 11th, literature and ethics, fogey, commons breakfasts, snowball fights, guster, howie day, those damn, awful, terrible, amazing bathrooms, the shower curtains.... and everything else. running by my door and INSISTING that i come with them to dinner even though i had a paper due... and the dinner would last for 3 hours and lou would eat something disgusting. laughing at my silliness... and my jokes. all those things mean... they mean so much to me. SO much to me. and since we've graduated, i've not been invited or welcome in an increased number of their events. a good part of me is happy; happy finally to have their point finally proven. the point being that no one really likes me, and they've all been hanging out with me under duress for however long they've been FORCED to hang out with me. damn, what an unattractive personality trait. regardless, a larger part of me is just sad. i'll treasure those relationships, and that 'groupness' for the rest of my life. they were the first people in the 'real world' to ever let me know i was worth it. i'll love them forever. i am incredibly lucky to have found a new york circle of friends, that's so rare to manage, after college, but... well, north's special.

i should also add that this complex i have makes it really hard for me to express how much it hurts if i haven't been invited to something. i just shut it all in and expect everyone to realize what it's like in my fucked up head. obviously they can't... but it sucks. i need to work on that.

sorry, i just needed to get that out.

in an effort to make this not quite so... well bullshit sad-sack complaining, i am watching steve carrell on an old conan and it's so good. i love him. i returned the jeans. i cleaned a good amount today. the apartment's not really presentable, but better than it was. i'll need to do a real purge soon.

i bought shoes today. i almost don't feel guilty about it! they are for work. i need to think of an outfit to wear to work tomorrow... with them. i am honestly glad to have a job where i want to think about what i am going to care about what i wear to work. i'm sure it will get old, but i like it right now.

time for bed now. good night, internet.