back in new york! i love you new york!

okay super quick update.

minus 1: aerobed
minus 1: a father who keeps the house at 64 degrees
minus 1: not having sunglasses on a sunny fucking ride to poughkeepsie
plus 1: new phone!
plus 1: great battery life!
plus 1: phone has qwerty keyboard!
plus 1: UNLIMITED TEXTS!
minus 1: $160 for a NOT A COOL iPHONE!
plus 1: sister figured out how to get old pics from old phone!
minus 1: poughkeepsie.
plus 1: got along with family! had fun!
plus 1: presents!
minus 1: terrible allergies --> asthma from papa's house.
minus 1: having FIVE heavy bags to bring on metronorth.
minus 1: ticket to 125th street from poughkeepsie: 18 fucking dollars.
minus 1: carrying 5 HEAVY bags to train, getting on train and walking to apartment (almost collapsed).
plus 1: apple crisp!
plus 1: gen-u-ine new york starbucks iced caramel macchiato!
plus 1: harold night! friends! comedy! chelsea!
plus 1: jammin with ralph!
plus 1/minus 1: own performance in jam
plus 1: mcmanus
minus 1: 6 train running express
plus 1: 6 train running local north of grand central
plus 1: tate's cookies, bodegas AND tuna fish sandwiches
plus 1: a sweet cat!
minus 1: crazy asshole cat PUTTING A DAMN HOLE IN MY NEW DAMN MITTEN.
plus 1: new years! dresses! parties! friends! dancing!

okay i am done. i don't feel like doing the math BUT here's the result of the equation: I AM GLAD TO BE BACK IN NEW YORK I'M GONNA GO GET IN MY BED NOM NOM NOM!

note to self, via george carlin:
language / big world / little world

p.s. attitude!

still. in. maine.

i need to get out of here. i think i'll just walk to camden; it's like a quarter mile down the street, and i can get some espresso and sit at a cafe table and pretend i am in brooklyn. but have people SMILE friend...-ily at you. that's a thing they do, apparently. i forgot about that. people kept smiling politely and warmly at the grocery store yesterday. and points to hannaford's too, they actually had sabra hummus, which is kind of the best hummus.

oh yay, another home-for-the-holidays blogpost from someone living in the city, SHOCKED at the friendliness and availability of common goods in the uncharted backwaters of the SUBURBS!!!1 how tiresome.

i think we are going to stop at a verizon store tomorrow so i can pick out a new phone. i've had a really shitty razr for just about 2 years, which i loathe to the core of it's shitty battery and terrible software navigation. maybe if i have a phone i like i'll actually USE it to call people! right! that should be plenty of impetus to get one, right? eh i don't care. all phones that aren't iphones or smartphones seem to totally suck right now, so i don't really care what i get as long as it's nicer / more functional than what i have. which shouldn't be hard.

boring!

i have been charged with two creative challenges: 1) write a paragraph of hemingway as douglas adams would, and a paragraph of adams as hemingway would write it and 2) write 3 jokes so nerdily embedded into the world of dune as to be too inexplicably intertwined as to not be funny or even understandable to someone without an intimate and immediate knowledge of
DUNE. i am less entranced with actually doing either of these than the idea that i was given the challenge to do them. my friends is CRAZY!

i am too tired to get ready for bed.

in maine. back in this gorgeous guest house. utterly exhausted. i got like 4 hours of sleep last night.

i am even failing at blogging. sigh. i need to shower and make a bed up. i am such a brat! i am a jerk!

okay. i WILL get up and take a shower and try to get some rest so i am not a jerk for the rest of my family time.

new york, i miss you. will you have me back?

and NOW i'm hungry. great!

john frusciante, you're always right!

i am watching craig ferguson, which is not a show i usually attempt to catch, but i think i love it. i've been a fan of mr ferguson since the drew carey show, and following him in several adorable british tragicomedies, and have seen the show on occasion, but DAMN - his opening bits are so fun. he revels in how fun it is, which i singularly adore. i think i'll try to watch it more regularly. and grill john reynolds about the show when i get a chance. i don't know about the quality of the rest of the show, but i am enjoying the monologues. plus he's an addict who's overcome adversity AND he loves rolling his eyes. and 'R's, being all scottish and all.

oh man, newbury comics still exists? point to you, new england.

there's actually a fair amount of shopping i want to do in MA, but i will not get the chance. maybe this will encourage me to come back more often. jk, it won't.

long and rambling / seriously i mean it / don't read this

---- midnightish, christmas day -----

very fun day, although i had a little freak out on the path train to hoboken (where you catch the new jersey transit train that takes you up metro-north to new york. obviously.) because i kind of hate new trains and traveling. once i have taken a particular train or trip a couple times, i am fine; but at first, i loathe it. there is a reason i never thought i would live without a car; i much prefer driving and being in control over fucking asshole trains being inexplicable. but it's also probably better for me. anyway, there is basically no signage at the 14th street path train, which is fucking infuriating. i just guessed and got on the first train that came; always a great fucking idea with new york metro area trains, right? and fortunately the hoboken path train is connected to the NJ transit station-that's-actually-the-metronorth-west-train-line. OBVIOUSLY.

remind me to go to the doctors. my heart keeps beating weird. and not in a romantic, fluttering-heart-clenching-pit-of-your-deepest-being associated-most-commonly-with-love' way. in a real 'i should probably be scared by this but instead i just find it kind of interesting way'. i don't get dizzy from it, but i am also fairly convinced your heart shouldn't go 'thumpthumpthump ---(ominous pause)--- bumpdathumpthump thump da bump thump da bump'.

------the next day-------

it's late. well, late in the day when i should be traveling already. i still need to pack and head to boston. i am not looking forward to it. i am in a way, i want to see my family, but i need a day of nothing, no travel or anything. sigh. i gotta get ready now. and i need to clean and get the apartment cat stocked / ready.

i am trying to decide if i should bring my usual giant back-packing bag or a big duffle bag instead. and i think i am bringing my laptop home too, which is another weight / thing to pack.

god damn this is boring. sorry everyone. i kind of suck. self-loathing is a terrible, wonderous, motivating, paralyzing thing.

nicole's family was a total blast and i had a really fun time with nicole and chris. it was maybe the first time i've ever gone to a friend's family's house for dinner and they just put food out, let you get it yourself, and didn't subsequently nag you about what you ate or didn't eat. it was heavenly. i did have to take my shoes off at nicole's parent's house (AHGHGHGHGGGGHH) but fortunately not at her aunt's, where we had dinner. i've gotten a lot better* about most of my peculiar OCD dislikes, but the shoes one is NOT one of them.

---------later still--------

i am on the bus. i was going to try to take bolt bus for $20 instead of fung wah for $15, but you seem to need to print out your boarding pass for bolt bus, and i don't have a damn printer at my house. they have internet on their busses; worth it! however, instead i am on a shitty fung wah bus, sans internet but plus laptop. and $5, for that matter. i missed the 4:00 bus because the idiot woman in front of me in line at the atm took FOREVER. and i needed to get cash because i damnedly forgot to get anything for the super / cleaning guy for my building, so i awkwardly shoved some money in an envelope and signed it from me and tay. i'd also left some trash outside my door to take out in the morning, and he'd brought it down for me. i don't even know his name. i. am. an. asshole!

------a bit later-------

bus stopped at a rest area. thank goodness. i'd had to use the bathroom on board the bus, and while i had used a pre-moistened washcloth thingy, and a spray hand sanitizer, but it's not enough!!!1 washing is categorically different from just wiping cleaning stuff on your hands. so i washed my hands and even bought a 6 piece chicken nugget. the only fast food i ever eat is wendy's, which is hardly fast food, and the last two times i had mcdonald's (over a year ago, at least), i've gotten rashes. so we'll see how bad of an idea that was soon.

there's some guy clapping really loudly along to his music across the aisle from me on the bus - like he's a flamenco dancer. it's fucking annoying. oh good, the guy in front of me made him stop. interesting!

i've been reading dune; it's finally starting to catch my attention. it has foreshadowing 'retrospective' passages at the head of each 'chapter', which always kind of stress me out about shit that hasn't even happened yet. gods, i am so weird. i am reminded of a toothpaste for dinner blog entry; 'it's exhausting being this weird, but thank goodness i am not normal'. i've probably butchered that terribly and bent it to suite my nefarious needs. like usual.

---- a poem (?) -----
the smell of sadness; nicotine pouring off a man's coat
a memory; the smell of stuckness; old nicotine and big red gum
but it's okay if he's grinning.
recycled air on a bus; the smell of frustration
that kind of headache that hovers around the sides of your head; but doesn't quite dare to settle in fully.
screaming, running kids in mcdonalds; the sound of family that wants a quiet car.
looking out through severe glasses - punishing weak eyes by taking them off.
an old couple leaning against each other like newly-in-love teenagers; they've already begun looking like each other. i can tell their genders, but only with some effort.
how to say something to someone when you barely understand it yourself.
i guess that's most communication though. we just usually pretend we know what we're talking about.
i don't respect bitterness and resentment marinated and turned to cruelty; the lashing out of immaturity.
don't get afraid; get angry. and there's so much to be afraid of.


----- a clarification -----
*okay not really that much better. a little better though. although i've had to start not letting myself redo things if they 'feel' wrong. that's a little too crazy, even for me.


------just kidding, gonna keep writing-----

thinking about college a lot lately. maybe because i was able to see takacs on xmas eve. maybe not though. i dunno, that's not the point. college was.so.huge; you learn so much, so fast. i loved it. that first fall break home, when i felt like i had grown up entirely in 2 months and was treated the same; meeting the preppy WASPS; shockingly, growing up in a rural, swamp yankee backwater of massachusetts affords little insight into that particular population subset. a capella! gah that shit is HUGE at elite liberal arts schools; the groups, the politics, the greek aspects; the DRAMA. and the music is usually decent. i guess i just get to laugh extra hard at andy on the office. the only a capella i have is one copy of 'insomniac' from rachel's ham tech mix. i am glad i have it.

some lyrics to leave you with:
angel you sing
about beautiful things
and all i wanted to do
was believe
but i traded my dreams
for this mess of memories
and they just stopped working for me
-matt nathanson



there's no meaning
in clothes and coffee cups
cheap hotel furniture
where silence never stops

through the water
through the rain
to the soul of everything
i throw my heart out
on the stones
and i'm almost gone

and now i'm dreaming
i'm staring at the walls
the cars all frozen now
in late night waterfalls
-david gray

we just passed a bob's discount furniture. still on the damned bus. i brought my lighter, but longer coat. hope it's enough for massachusetts -> maine -> poughkeepsie. the national weather service seemed to think it was going to be quite mild all weekend, and in all those places

------ home in uxbridge, several hours later------

home, in my parent's living room, watching friends. damn satellite tv recorder. ate pizza with my parents. got yelled at for swearing by my mom. sorry mom, you don't get to tell me not to swear after... 7 years ago. and i learned it all from youuuuu!!

i am washing all my clothes so i don't bring any cat hair to maine. my dad's family has a ton of allergies.

okay, i am seriously going to end this now. NOW.

rash update: no rash yet.

happy holidays

i am about to go get a down blanket from my room, and then snuggle up on my couch, dim the lights and sip down on my spiced hot chocolate with hand cut marshmallows, and lie in wait for my nemesis, the infernal st. nicholas. you'll not avoid my poison'd arrowtip another year, you fiendish elf!

gonna lay some realness down on ya.

my cat's kind of freaking out. i think he misses teh roommate. he'll be all sweet and lovely for about 25 minutes, and then he starts freaking out, attacking ghosts or some shit. CRAZY! see!? he just ran around the living room twice and half jumped on my stomach. weirdo!

i managed to pull my left leg / ass muscles while teching a show last night. god damn i hate teching at the creek. the booth is in the ceiling and next to the heater; it was at least 95 degrees up there - i SMELLED by the end of the 2.5 hour show. and it has the most awkward ladder / stairs ever. and i'm always convinced i am about to fall 16 feet to the floor. and my leg hurts like hell. i ran around all day at work, limping like an ass. walking around my apartment with a cane is actually much more comfortable, but i don't think i have the gall to leave the house with it. hopefully this won't take too long to clear up. but ow!

phrases: i go through phrase phases; lately my thing's been to call any number 'a billion'. not very interesting. but i have been swearing by saying 'holy cock and balls'. not very interesting either, but there it is. and i like to put a good ole 'jiminy CRICKET!' when i am really astonished/appalled by something.

improv thoughts: i am terrified of making mistakes. i will put things off for months because i am afraid of failing or fucking up - and yet i go onstage and make shit up with other people in front of other people. i mean. what's wrong with me? i can't puzzle that out. however, i have decided to not be mad at myself for fucking shit up onstage. i have PLENTY of other shit to loathe myself for. i don't need to hate myself for making shit up with other people. ALWAYS HAVE FUN. i'll forget that.

people thoughts: people are pretty awesome. i keep replaying some conversations from this weekend in my head and laughing at how fun it was. parties! people! fun! also thinking about an old friend. i learned a hard lesson from him; disappointing people. it's vital. we cannot be everything to anyone. if we, as humans, are lucky, we can be everything to someone. or if we're, probably equally, lucky we can be a lot to a bunch of people. but we (i) have to disappoint. lying to people to try to please them NEVER works, and is hurtful to the person you're lying to. MORE hurtful than just displeasing or letting them down. it's a lesson i had a hard time swallowing; both that my friend was... not nearly the person he portrayed himself as and also that i needed to do that myself. my mom is very much a people pleaser - she can't say no. that's not quite the same thing as trying to BE everything to people, but it's similar. fortunately, i am more of a bitch than my mom, and i can say no. however, the core lesson is one i needed to learn, because i want people to like me, and i am at least reasonably skilled at being likable. regardless, i was reminded of the lesson today. lessons! eventually they don't suck! (right?)

new favorite game: watching the people in the background of antiques roadshow jealously looking on at people getting jackpot appraisals. also, being grossed out by the outfits.



see? now the cat's asleep. weirdo!

a random miscellany of thoughts and the promise of an update unfulfilled

it's fucking cold outside motherfuckerrrrrs.

attention: ladies; wear more than tights when it's 13 damn degrees outside! i am wearing legging UNDER my heavy jeans and freezing my damn ass off.

i am now ready for the damn holidays already.

i am not leaving the city until the 26th, and have some rough plans in place already, but if someone's around and wants to hang out, let me know. i'll being a slightly more social version of my first christmas alone; that's good, right? yeah i am pretty sure it is.

that's IT

i hearby declare not to care whether or not anyone thinks what i have to say is interesting or valid! e.g. i am listening to matchbox 20 right now.

expense reports are making me insane.

so is procrastination.

my tv is on my cedar trunk. it looks adorable. and so, so small. tay had a massive plasma HD tv. roommates!

i think i need more caffeine. and also, to stop drinking so much caffeine.

i saw a two people get into a nearly full-blown fight on the train platform last night. i didn't walk away, and i stayed right close so that i COULD intervene, but i didn't. my brain just kind of strangled out 'AUTHORITY! PLZ! SOMEONE IN A UNIFORM TAKE CARE OF THIS!'. finally a goth kid got up and stood between them. the guy in the fight wasn't huge, but he was definitely bigger than the woman he was shoving all around the platform. i feel like a fucking dick. thanks A LOT, stanley milgram.

damn it, firefox

i had a pretty solid entry going, which i actually 'liked' according to the scale of how loathsome i generally find my writing, and firefox fucking ate it. it's been kind of sucking lately, which i hate because firefox is supposed to be awesome. i was sold on its awesomeness factor. and the fact that it is the default browser for my company!

lately firefox's been totally fucking up my emails in gmail, and the formatting on most blogspots. if gchat or the codes on the messagboards i frequent were also getting fucked up, i would probably be moved to see if there was something i could do to fix it or update something, but instead i choose to be annoyed by it on a daily basis.

unrelated: expense reports can choke on a big fucking bag of broken dicks.

mr. stephen fry recently wrote a blog entry about taking joy in language that really got to me; i think i stopped or at least smothered my instinct for this part way through college in an attempt to make myself into an intelligible writer. however, lately i am finding that i am giving myself leeway in playing with the sounds and flow of language as i utterly fail to write things that are cohesive and interesting, or even have legible syntax. but i'd rather have fun with words, i think. and maybe eventually hire a life-editor.

i leave you with a quote:
'i have to believe i am a desperately pathetic lyricist... or i will become the desperately pathetic lyricist i know that i am.'
-david john matthews

the phrase

'aw, you guys would make a great couple!' should be banned henceforth from all lexicon.

that's all.

here's an animated GIF for your time:

see?

told ya so.

eliza wins our battle-that-is-not-at-all-a-real-battle-in-that-it-exists only-in-my-mind by her latest her efforts in the field of descriptive violence on the internet. see? i SHOULD have read comic books as a kid! hey maybe i'll check out the watchmen you guys!

oh god, why is my dick full of poison?!

counting crows, damn yooooooou!

oh man! i just remembered! i am supposed to hate the counting crows for canceling a show on us my freshman year of college! shit, i TOTALLY forgot about that until just now.

that was such a big deal when it happened. wow. i guess i have to 'unlike' the 6 songs of theirs i recently got for the first time ever and decided i kind of liked.

remembering! it's crazy!

finished

i finished 'watchmen' last night. i think kevin hines was right, not the best one to start with. i'll probably try V for Vendetta next. or sandman, but that's a pretty big undertaking.

ugh i feel like shit.

oh and quick review of son of a witch: good but not satisfying. and i doubt the one in the series that just came out is going to add to or change that.

this happened friday night.

friday, i had a show at the creek in long island city but it ended in plenty of time for me to make it to the east village for the rogue show, so i did. and it was plenty of time. people performing had been concerned that there wouldn't be enough people at the show so i decided to make the effort. plus i hadn't seen rogue in ages and i love them. however, to my pleasant surprise, the place was packed and the only seat available that wasn't in the front row (and i won't sit in the front row) was an awkward stool, so i perched on it for 20 minutes. then literally 1 minute before the show started, nate asked me to tech for them, so i popped up into the booth, tried desperately to figure out how he'd set up the lights, and switch the music and start the show. it was a little frantic, but it worked. they like a really tight, short show and i've finally learned to just accept it and do what they want. i am so opinionated! but anyway it was fun. we trapsed over to grassroots, where a table of hot girls assembled to talk about boys and laugh at them and fulfill all their nightmares about what girls really think of them. generally, a fun night.

HOWEVER, UPON PREPARING TO DEPART early saturday morning, i walked to the back of the bar to find two guys GOING THROUGH MY PURSE. one had my IPOD in HIS HAND. i flipped some serious shit. i snatched my ipod away and started berating the kid and going through my purse to make sure everything was still in it (it was), and found that they’d broken my damn eyeglasses case and pulled stuff out and then shoved it back in. the guy made some comment to the effect that they thought ‘anyone who had that music and was reading 'watchmen' was a friend of theirs'. ??? i don’t know how that makes going through someone’s shit okay, but apparently he thought it did. he asked me if i wanted any money for my glasses case and i said no, but i probably should have said yes. UGH. at least i caught him and was able to berate him for it for a few minutes.

many drunk thanks to my drunk friends who tried to drunkenly follow the drunk guys out and drunk punch them. fortunately the assholes had left so no one could get into trouble. friends are pretty awesome, you guys.

fucktards. i should have gotten his name too. assholes!

the rest of my weekend was spent in a weird haze. i guess i was just tired. still trying to bust out of it now.

longest harold night of the year tomorrow. this year's marks the 3rd anniversary of the first harold night i ever saw! nerdy!

what? no!

my last post got all kinds of erased, but the gist of it was that i am now reading 'watchmen' for the first time, and i am having to learn how to read comic books, because it's not like regular reading. i got it on tuesday, and it's slow going, but i like it so far.

then i was waiting for a train last night in the miserable rain (the entrance to the C E at 25th street was FLOODED ENTIRELY - there was no possible way to get to the entrance from the stairs with out jumping into several inches of water. i swore for a bit and then walked to the 23rd street entrance). i was reading said graphic novel when a guy approached me and said 'that's watchmen', to which i tried to reply non-sarcastically, as the title is emblazoned upon the front of the book in black and yellow. we began talking, and he assured me he was 'not just some guy', but rather from the UCB. apparently he'd just taken kate spencer's class (which met while i was the intern on duty) so he recognized me. kate was really great about telling her class to see the 'In A World...' shows, so several of the class did. Apparently this not-just-some-guy-but-rather-a-UCB-guy had been told about me (?) by someone else, who raved about 'THIS GIRL WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS!!1'. presumably because i have a vagina, this is exciting and noteworthy news.

however, because i am a nerd, i felt the need to insist to him that i actually didn't know much about comic books at all, despite being caught red-handed reading the Graphic Novel to End All Other Graphic Novels, which is in and of itself ABOUT comic book characters, and having done the core scene of a comic book characters deconstruction show (which, i assume, is what this other person had gathered his conclusions from). i went on to explain that i was having a hard time reading 'watchmen', and that all i know about comic books comes from either the early 90's x-men cartoon or 'the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay'. and thinking back to that show (which i don't even like doing, as it was pretty frustrating show), the only real cache i had was that jean grey was phoenix... but x-men 3 established that! it's not even cool to know that anymore, right? i don't know because i don't know that much about comic books.

i felt guilty! i wanted to point out all my friends who are INFINITELY bigger comic book fans than myself, merely by dint of actually liking comic books! brett white! matt little! dave bluvband! will hines! kevin hines! basically everyone i know! or eliza skinner! she's hilarious, gorgeous, possessing of a vagina and ACTUALLY knows about comic books! like, knows a lot, as far as i can tell, which isn't that far because HAVE I MENTIONED I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW MUCH ABOUT COMIC BOOKS!! i was looking for anything to assure him that i didn't presume to actually have any real knowledge about comic books.

but he didn't ever seem to believe me. so i can only conclude, that thanks indirectly to kate spencer, i now have a reputation for being both a comic books expert and a pathological liar! thanks! THANKS A BUNCH KATE SHEESH!

not really, kate's the best. i am just... weird. it was weird. i guess i just need to be more careful about where i read that book. but really it was weird to be known, in whatever small and specific way. stop it! don't know me! i'm nothing! i haven't even read batman year one! BAD NERD!

however, in related 'in a world...' news, i am heading out to do sweaterprov at the creek in LIC with a mash up of the two teams (just who was available to do it, we haven't changed the line up). the show is free and at 8 pm. come out if you want!

room available jan 1

a room in my lovely east harlem abode is opening on january 1. the building is gorgeous. 1.5 mintues from the 6 train, 8 minutes to the 2/3 express. decent sized room with a big window, high ceilings, hardwood floors.

i have a cat. he’s very affectionate.

let me know if you are interested or know anyone who is. khealywu at gee mail dot com. i shall provide a plethora of more details upon request.

no weekend, no cry

i ended up having to cover part of a shift on saturday and an entire shift on sunday at the training center. having to be there at 10:45 isn't THAT early, but i want to level with you, internet, that when the single thing you love most about your weekends is that you can and will get up whenever you damn well please, it sucks. also i like to sleep as close to 12 hours as i can manage at least one night a week. and i tend to really enjoy my anti-social days. unless i call my sister, on a weekend day i might only talk to the starbucks person, my cat and / or myself. i like it. i get really into some music and read most of a book and walk around the east village and debate with myself if i should get thing terrible to eat or just wait until i am home to eat something terrible there. or i do something totally different, because i can. now i am at work and feel like i didn't get a weekend. don't get me wrong, i actually had a lot of fun chatting with people at the offices, and i got a mere handful of annoying calls about ASSSSSSSCAT. and i got a lot of reading done. but it didn't feel very weekendy, and last weekend was weird too, with the holiday, and i just need a break.

i almost got into a fight with a rude bitch of a bartender last night. i book a lot of shows at the parkside lounge, mostly because on of my BFFs from college does all their booking and i also love the staff. unfortunately, last night i didn't know anyone working and the bartender working later in the evening gave me some huge attitude about turning the music down in the front of the bar. it was SUPER loud in the back (someone had turned the bass way up, which was part of the problem; bass travels more) and her bitchy retort to me (nicely) asking them to turn the music down was that they had a bar to run. no fucking way, lady, i know, that's why the two comedy shows you have scheduled tonight brought 60 plus people to your PREVIOUSLY EMPTY BAR. there were 3 people there who weren't either performing or attending the shows, and of those three, only one was a patron of the bar, the other two were staff people. i was livid, but tried to be bigger about it, and explain the situation to her again after i'd cooled down. she suggested that i mic the stage (i explained that it wasn't possible) so she just fucking pulled out that they had a bar to run again, and that they'd turned the music down twice already. which wasn't true; they'd turned it down once when i'd asked and then she'd turned it back up about 2/3s of the way through my show. i was pissed again, nearly froze to death walking to the train, and i think almost got into a fight with some mexican dude who thought i was calling him a cunt. obviously, i emailed my awesome friend to tattle on the bitch.

>breathe< i stopped by whole foods and bought a serving of ginger bread with toffee ginger sauce and vanilla ice cream. it helped!

i saw part of a show on TLC called 'living as a giant' and during the course of the show, a guy who'd been measured as 7'5" was measured by a doctor who declared him 6'10"; he looked so miserable that i had to change the channel out of embarrassment. apparently his spine might have curved, but i think even a super tall guy like would have noticed losing 7 inches in height. shudder. i will also change the channel when watching the soup do segments on andy rooney or that willard scott because their old-person social ineptitude and weirdness embarrasses me. so... i guess what i am saying is that i never want to meet willard scott.

sorry, this isn't a funny, clever, uplifting or even particularly cohesive post. there's not really even any point to it, i am just bitching. i am going to put this out of me here, so that when i see you i will be lovely and happy and interested in you, cool? i don't really care, i am doing it anyway.

more book reviews for books no one but me would be interested in

i grabbed a couple books when i was home in massachusetts; at the very barnes and noble i used to work at after i graduated from college! i had wanted to pick up one of stephen fry's novels and a book by bernard cromwell that an intellectual, currently studying english at oxford friend of mine suggested. however, the B&N didn't have the particular cromwell book (the winter king) and had NOTHING by stephen fry, which i took as a personal affront. i also saw a girl working who had been there when i worked there, and who i am pretty sure was my age. i felt all sad for her, and then like a jerk for pitying her (maybe she LIKES working a steady job in a nice town and didn't want to be working as a 'comedian' in new york, eh!?) and ultimately fled away from her, and towards the fantasy section.

WHERE i happened to see that 'son of a witch' had finally come out in mass market paperback (it first came out over 3 years ago, so it took awhile) so i decided to grab it. it is the sequel to 'Wicked' by gregory maguire, which still stands as one of the most intensely epic novels i have ever read. i am sure that makes me sounds like a prattling idiot; 'omg they made a musical out of it so sexy i love singing omg LOL OLOLLll'. well, the book manages to be about civil rights, the gold standard, genocide, love, family, aids, and the process of growing up. not to mention trauma and friendship and magic and 1930's middle america. and all those themes are in one, generally cohesive story. i've never seen the musical, and i understand it's WAY simplified, but it's an instance of the source material being GREAT so i am not surprised it's been fucking huge. anyway, i haven't read it since 2005, in part because it's an intense and emotional book for me. i definitely cried in public while reading at least one part. not as much as i cried during the last 1/5 of 'the dark tower' though. and i was on a chinatown bus. and i am pretty sure some girl i went to college was sitting across the aisle from me. sigh.

ANYWAY, i just started 'son of a witch' and i am looking forward to finishing. i am kind of regretting not rereading wicked before starting it, but i think i've remembered most of it now.

the other book i got was 'the alchemyst' by michael scott (lulz). i'd seen the damn things every where for the past year or so, but had avoided picking it up because on suspicion of it sucking balls. unfortunately for me, it was, indeed, pretty terrible. similar to 'twilight' in that it's a GREAT idea hacked to death by a sub-par writer. it's like if harry potter was written by whatever abortion wrote the babysitter's club. i was hoping that the young adult / children's authors coalition would realize, once and for all, after harry potter that they don't need to write as if they expect their audience to be mentally handicapped guppies with 3 second attention spans. i was wrong, it seems. the author's irish too...disappointing. i don't really feel like describing the plot, but it's kind of like... american gods written by the babysitter's club in 2008. yeah, that's pretty much it.

Reading! It's FUN-damental!

HA!

i love being right.

my team tried to convince me that isabella rossellini was the daughter of ingrid bergman (yes) and INGMAR BERGMAN (what? no.)... i responded that i was pretty sure she was half italian, and they responded that she'd probably married into the name. since i couldn't think of any italian directors besides fellini at the time, i dropped it, even though i was positive they were full of shit.

bam i win.

although to be fair, one of roberto rossellini and ingrid bergman's other children was name 'roberto ingmar'. damn italians-swedes.

In a World...

my first 600 class' last show of our run was last night and it was totally awesome. both teams really nailed the form and the show generally, AND we all had a ton of fun. i loved my team so much! the class was a great experience, and had it's share of serious ups and downs, but we really pulled together last night and i am beyond proud of the whole class.

which leads me to my next point: how fucking proud i am of the illustrious harold team whorenado. they had some serious struggles early on, and at some point (i choose to believe it was sometime after their kickass performance at my show, the lorelei) they all decided to commit SO HARD to their team, and commit to extra rehearsals and commit selflessly to their teammates. and their hard work has paid off so much recently. they support each other's weaknesses and ideas in such a fucking fun way. this is extremely cheesy, but their example has given me a ton of hope about the power of attitude and commitment in improv. they are obviously all talented individuals, but they are a great TEAM because they are all working so hard to commit and support that TEAM. OMG I LOVE WHORENADO.

<3
katey

p.s. Always pack a suit, even if you think you aren't going to need one. ~ Anton Chekov.

exhausting

i have a bunch of stuff to do today, work-wise. far more stuff than i actually have time to do. normally i would just ignore most of the work until i was about to be in trouble for not doing it, and then do it all quickly (i suck) but today i just feel fucking tense and stressed out about it. i think it's mostly because i need to eat something and i can't seem to get that croissant into my mouth.

sigh.

my apartment's really clean though.

i listened to an interview with eddie izzard on the train this morning. his style is a pretty massive influence on my conscious comedy development. he's conversational and intelligent and passionate and silly. and british. sooooo everything i want to be. plus we both love playing with make up.

i have 2 pretty solid jokes to write out today, and i thought of something in the shower last night. i don't think this is capable of being funny, BUT it is one of my guiding principles so i need to be aware of that. is it weird that i think you need to be aware of your own perspective and guiding principles in order to really write comedy from your perspective? a little. does it mean i think about comedy too much? yes, definitely. but onwards to my guiding principle revelation:
behavior HAS to be rational. always. but art (particularly music and comedy) does not. both of those genres (in the post modern age at least) are almost designed to be irrational. i think that's part of why i connect with both so deeply. and emotionally. emotions are not rational, but i want them to be. so i don't deny that i feel them, but i do ALWAYS require that my resulting behavior be rational. which is one reason i think i get so frustrated with people who do what they WANT as opposed to what (i think) is rational and good for them. i know that makes me an insufferable, judgmental cunt basically. but i don't care. and to clarify, that behavior doesn't make me not like people who do that. it makes me crazy, yes, but they are still people i care about and i try to remain an 'objective' friend to them. unless they weren't people i cared about to begin with, in which case i then find their behavior an excuse to be warmly and smugly condescending of them. ha ha!

croissant update: i ate most of it. things are looking up, world!

oh right. i need to play make up, that will make me feel better. thank you for the reminder, mr. izzard!

oh why, stephen fry?

i don't think i mentioned that i've become utterly obsessed with stephen fry on this blog, but i have. UTTERLY AND HOPELESSLY OBSESSED. i keep trying to read his novels, but none of the bookstores i have tried have had the one i want to start with yet. anyway, i just found out that he has a blog. this is worthy of an entry:
http://www.stephenfry.com/blog/

i don't know why i am surprised

i always get things before I get them. it's the same way with academic writing. or writing generally. if i were to read my shit as critically as i read other stuff, i would want to scratch my eyes out for writing stuff so stupidly. my college mentor and i had some discussions about this. however, i think it's because i am nothing special and most people get things before they can replicate them.

the 6 train choked on a bag of dicks this morning. took me almost 40 minutes to get to grand central. i need to look into neighborhoods for potential moving-into. i am thinking long island city or astoria maybe. i think both might be pretty expensive though. grumble i hate change.

my starbucks lady said she LOVED me this morning. i am barely functional at 9:... 45 in the morning, but i can still make baristas fall in love with me. I HAVEN'T LOST IT YET, NEW YORK! YEAAAH!

my favorite pens are pilot razor points in blue. THERE ARE CABINETS FULL OF THEM AT MY OFFICE! IT'S AWESOME!

i still need to buy a winter hat. i saw one i liked at REI at home, but i didn't buy it because my sister had a coupon, but then we didn't get back there before we left. i sort of want a mad bomber hat, but my OCD tendencies make me hesitant to get a hat with fur that i can't really wash. it'll be touching my face and stuff you guys. WHAT IF IT FALLS ON THE GROUND I WILL HAVE TO BUY A NEW HAT THAT'S WHAT.

current improv thoughts

i am having a disconnect with what i know about improv 'off-stage' and watching shows and my skill level onstage. i can get so fucking frantic onstage. it makes me crazy. i know i am a stronger improvisor when i hold back (especially verbally) but i tend to talk when i am nervous or feeling insecure. i need to learn to be secure and confident onstage. and if i'm not, just to not step out. that's kind of the opposite note that is usually given. i think i skate by on being a somewhat compelling performer, but my techincals skills leave a lot to be desired. or just that i lose my technical abilities the moment i lose my thread of the show, so i just begin to stomp across the show and ruin whatever's been established. that is far more melodramatic than it needs to be, but sometimes i feel like that. i think i need to keep rehearsing and working on... pruning my instincts. and doing OTHER creative things. writing, CREATIVELY, not just recounting my days on the interwebs. i am going to start tracking my moods as well. i know comedy, and i fucking know how to do it... and sometimes i just fucking lose it on stage in improv.

castlemania! is awesome and i love those girls. we're going to keep doing shows and rehearsing together. i think we can only improve as a team. plus we are fucking adorable. plus, this was the second year i was in the 3 on 3 on a team with no harold or weekend team members, and for the second year my team made it to the semi-finals. and our show was pretty solid.

oh man. i am watching celebrity rehab (the best show ever) and rod stewart's son DOESN'T KNOW WHO BUDDY HOLLY IS. HOW ARE YOU THAT STUPID!? i mean, sure, rod stewart's scottish, but he still came straight from the american rock school... via the london blues movement BUT STILL. holy fuck, how do you avoid knowing about BUDDY HOLLY. i mean. what. founder and populizer (?) of rock and roll. gah.

sorry that made me mad.

i took two cabs this weekend because my dad wanted to see the intrepid aircraft carrier, which is off 12th avenue and he has a really hard time walking. so that made it hard to get around anywhere. 12th avenue is far fucking away you guys. i kind of wish i could take cabs more often, one of the guys was really cool. he was retired and drove a cab on the weekends for 'pocket money' (which is kind of crazy, driving a cab is HARD work). anyway, he had traveled extensively in europe doing purchasing for the US government and had some definite opinions about green power and the next steps for american economic development. and we had a bit of a discussion about nixon causing all the problems. honestly, the more i think about it, it was a totally awesome conversation.

oh and a cat update! he did so well while i was out of town! i was pretty fucking worried about him getting too lonely or frantic by himself (he's very dog-like in his excitement when you come home) but he was fine. apparently he got a little nippy at my dad and sister when they where home in my apartment when i wasn't, but he can be like that if you try to pet him when he's not in the mood. maybe he just likes me best because i saved his ass and he got to be GRATEFUL, son! this weekend's separation was a good test for us both. he's fine for a few days by myself, and i learned that i most definitely consider new york city 'home'. intractably.

my roommate is moving back to kansas. i might have a room opening up in january. a friend might be moving in, but she isn't sure. however, if you are looking for a jan-april sublet and might be interested in a gorgeous place in east harlem, or know of someone who might be, let me know!

oh snap if this was an improv scene, john frusciante would have some notes for me! and no, i am not going to explain that.

oh my

i missed you new york. i started writing a couple of blogposts while i was home, but ended up deleting them out of being stupid. my dad keeps their house VERY cold and i sat in my down puffy jacket trying to watch house episodes and their damn satellite TV kept changing the channel and making me watch NCIS or the closer instead. i managed to not be a total brat while at home. i think that was helped somewhat because i wasn't able to sleep tuesday night, and stayed up for like 36 hours so i was pretty silly with my family.

so, in conclusion, i am very glad to be back in new york. my friends are pretty fantastic.

agog is a great fucking word.

i am still not feeling this post, but i am going to publish it anyways.

before i forget

stuff from all over (my brain)

cleaning is awesome. well not really, but afterwards, it is awesome.

my starbucks totally fucked my drink up today, but the cashier told me 'i like you. you're smart. i can tell you're real smart and i like that.' so i said back to her that i thought she was also the smartest since she always knows my drink and says it when i am like 2 people back in line automatically. in conclusion, now i won't go complain and try to get a free drink out of the deal. to be fair, i probably wouldn't do that even if she hadn't picked today to compliment me.

damn. most of my blogging seems to relate to starbucks. gerrrah. i am pathetic.

um, my apartment is almost clean and cat ready for marower (? i don't know) to spend 3 days alone. i need to get one of those water dispenser things. he finally learned about water dishes in the last month or so, i hope a new gurgling model won't freak him out too much. but fuck him anyway, asshole kept biting my toes last night. WHAT A DICK. good thing he's fucking adorable and also mostly sweet and friendly.

i finished 'dragon haven' yesterday and mostly liked it, except that it was a little too 'journaly' and 'make up words-y' for me to really get into it. i really like robin mckinley a lot, obviously, but i did think this last attempt at writing a modern young adult perspective fell a little flat. i also had an improv-type note for her: "DO THE STUFF! DON'T TALK ABOUT THE STUFF! KEEP THE ACTION PRESENT". it was told in a journal style, which she definitely prefers after 'sunshine', but at least much of sunshine happened in the present. basically, i wanted the action to be happening 'now', as opposed to being told about it. which is insane, because it's a damn novel and i can only be told about the action. um. but i wanted to be told about in the present, 'as it was happening', and not from a 'oh man, you want to know what happened next? i know what happened next and whoo-weee was it crazy!' perspective. um. but i still liked it. i place it above deerskin but below robin hood. which is actually not that great, since i kind of hated deerskin but whatever, it was better than that. 'chalice', which just came out, looks like it's set all old-timey, so that's awesome.

i still need to pack. going to try to do that tonight, because if i don't it means i will be doing it at 4 am on wednesday morning.

also, this story.

quit it, tongue

i have a canker sore on the tip of my tongue. it's a little swollen and definitely sore. i am just pissed it hasn't gone away yet.

good weekend. i need to finish cleaning and packing for thanksgiving still.

this is going to be a braggy post

BRAG BRAG BRAG!

this was a pretty fucking awesome improv week for me. first, on tuesday, robin williams showed up and sat in with bangs for their harold, which was one of those transcendent, amazing, unbelievably cool new york - comedy moments. i think most of the theatre bonded over how excited we were to be there and seeing that. and seeing bangs come together like a harold machine and perform an incredibly committed, super fun and really professional show made me so proud of all of them. it was a fucking blast to watch. this sounds really pathetic, but the experience really did renew a lot of my excitement and joy about improv. the line between caring too much and being too jaded and no longer being invested is a tough one too navigate, and this helped, in no small part. and besides, who among the current generations of young comedians wasn't totally OBSESSED with robin williams from the age of 7 to 14? at least? it's huge and humbling just for that reason alone.

then i hosted a segment of harold night for the first time ever (it didn't really go over, but we didn't bail on the bit so i don't feel too bad about it) and my 600 class had our second show; and we had a pretty decent audience too. some people in a 101 stayed for it, which is SO cool. i think kate spencer told them they should see us, which was totally awesome. my team went second, which i actually prefer. i often get overly nervous going first in any 2 halves, class show setting, and those nerves turn into weirdly frenetic energy onstage. and despite starting our show at like 11:35 PM on a weeknight, it was a REALLY fun show! the slight changes we made to the form really helped kick start our brains back into playing game, and our team was so fucking fun and supportive. we like couldn't stop laughing while we were warming up.

there was definitely stuff we could have done better, but every time we got a little crazy or outta control, we brought it back under control and calmed down and moved forward. i had a great time. and for the first time in a while, i had a 'fuzzy brain' moment; what i call when i feel super focused on finding that right, next supportive move and it was awesome. i've had them before (my last 401 class show and the dr. seuss / edgar allan poe bad data show), but not in awhile.

for me, even if there was a lot that could be improved in a show, if i get a great fuzzy brain move in, i feel like i've just nailed it. and it's an awesome feeling. and to feel like i nailed it, performing on the same stage on the same night as mrs. doubtfire? well, that's just double brag points, now isn't it? i am looking forward to continuing to really get the form as shannon sees it in our next two shows, and i highly encourage you all to come see us try!

my final awesome improv thing of week is that my 3 person team, castlemania!, made it through the quarter finals of the 3 on 3 tournament last night! we squeaked by on the say-so of a SINGLE vote, which is unequivocally awesome. we made it! we had a pretty solid show, i think. the sets during the first round of the tournament are only SEVEN minutes long, which is really quick. but it was fun, definitely. my dad and sister are going to get to see me do long form improv at the UCB theatre! that is so cool. and my team is... awesome. and i know for a fact that the more we play together the awesomer we are going to be. like, for reals. i think we will be profoundly good. castlemania! fuck yes!

and we came out to the jurassic park theme music. john williams ftw.

cromwellian interregnum

that's it.

middle names

i don't have one. my parents decided not to 'burden' my sisters and i with middle names, because we had hyphenated last names. their logic, to me, seems totally weird, because middle names are basically your optional 2nd identity names; you rarely have to use them for legal purposes, but i always have to leave the last 4 or 5 letters off my last name. at my last three jobs i've defaulted to using only one of my last names, twice because the IT people decided what my email address, and therefore professional last name, should be without asking me. the other time, IT used my WHOLE name for my email address, including the hyphen, and i didn't want to deal with saying 22 letters and symbols every time i gave my email out to a hotel or coworker so i asked them to leave it at 'healy'. which is still spelled wrong 7 out of every 10 times i give it out. so, thanks, parents, that whole 'two last names instead of a middle name' made a whole lot of sense.

i am getting distracted though. basically, i always wished i had either a cool name or an even cooler middle name. growing up, my best friend's name was audra. aka, the coolest name ever. in second grade, i wanted my middle name to be ariel (sigh). i even told a subsitute teacher that was my middle name (i had issues). recently, i have toyed with the idea of just giving myself a middle name, and going by that instead. i feel sort of weird about that, probably stemming from memories of trying to give myself the nickname... ugh... crane in 3rd or 4th grade. attention, parents: when your imaginative child has no friends and plays pretend with magic horses and tries to name herself crane... um, get her some friends. or make her go to summer camp. and NOT theatre summer camp, that doesn't count. sheesh. anyway, here is a list of names i've been considering, and you can all see for yourselves the profound lack of maturing and progress i have made since 4th grade.

DON'T STEAL THESE:
emerson
adelaide
aurora
reid (or reade)
harper
artemis
thursday

my mom has recently expressed regret for not giving my sisters and i middle names. i feel bad about that. i mean her middle name is 'anne', no wonder she thought no one wanted middle names. my dad has no excuse though, he GOES by his middle name for business.

TONIGHT!

you should head on down to the UCB theatre tonight at 11 and check out the first show for "In A World", starring a whole slew of very talented improvisors, and directed by shannon o'neill. the show is free if you attend any part of harold night OR are an improv student, and a mere $5 otherwise.

i would love to see you there!

<3
katey

a few words from the first republican president

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew.

my previous post

in no way reduces how much i am in love with chris kelly.

tempering

the euphoric, low-grade positivity of yesterday has been tempered for me by the confirmed news of prop 8 passing in california, and similar bills passing all over our (still) great republic. i am frustrated by this profoundly. i am still hopeful that we are in the midst of the last gasps from the rapidly aging voices of the nation who seem so offended by love if it's done by anything besides peeners entering 'ginas.

i have the mouth of a long shoreman (thanks, mom) and i do enjoy shocking people, but sexuality is not something i tend to be very comfortable talking about in relation to myself. however i feel must say this because i do identify as a non-traditional sexuality. although 'identify' is a strong word there, as i usually go out of my way to avoid talking about personal preferences except in the most broad or historical of terms. however, i am making myself 'come out of the closet', so to speak, because i think our reaction to the outcome of this recent election cycle hullabaloo about the legal legitimacy of LGBT relationships is just that important: i tend to consider myself asexual. i am not really interested in sex, certainly not in they way most other people are. i am not opposed to it, but it's not for me. kind of like spicy brown mustard. some people love that shit, i would not eat it on a sandwich, even if it was a free office-catering sandwich. 'no thanks, turkey on white with an unfortunate layer of brown spicy mustard (coitus),' i say, 'i'll pass! i think i'll have one of these half-smushed cookies and some caeser dressing on a plate instead!'

i don't know if i will always feel this way, any more than i know if i will always be an atheist, but similarly, i don't plan on 'converting'. i am also, personally, not opposed to the idea of being in a relationship, and i certainly get crushes, but many asexuals are totally not into either of those things at all. www.asexuality.org has some cool information if you are interested in reading more.

i have a hard time placing myself in the realm of LGBT issues, although most groups who think teh gays are the spawn and tools of satan would i am just as much of a freak / broken / atheist / devil-follower as the rest of the Queer population. at least i'm not having pre-marital sex like those hypocrites.

i know i am not depressed, and i don't have a hormone disorder that is preventing me from wanting to constantly fuck. i am just not interested; similar to my lack of interest in national football or comic books. if someone wants to talk about those subjects, i will listen politely because i like talking to people, but i don't want to engage in the pastime myself. i don't really concern myself with 'why'. why are you straight? why are you gay? i think it doesn't really matter, let's just get down to the business of living. or if you are like most people (who are not me), the business of fucking.

in conclusion, i am profoundly disappointed in the results of the measure set in motion to constitutionally BAN marriage out side of one narrow, hetero definition. i've felt passionately about LGBT as long as i can remember... since well before i saw the real world san francisco, definitely. at a profound level, i don't understand people who hate change and difference THAT much. the shape of the information doesn't seem to match with how information needs to be packaged in my brain; like trying to combine those giant fake legos with real ones.

but i am going to try to understand, so i can respond to that sector in a way they can understand, because i am smarter than ignorance. i am going to try to find a place for myself in the LGBT(... A?) movement. anyone who believes in justice and the legitimacy of LGBT rights, regardless of their personal sexuality, should find a place for themselves in the movement as well. the passing (by a narrow margin) of proposistion 8 is not the end of this fight. it's the 4th round bell, and one that indicates that we need to get into this next round even more passionately and with renewed strength.

come one, cum all (some none); let's show these aging bigots that we won't stand for their moralistic attempts at legislating our ability to sanctify our unions in this fair union! but first, i am heading to the lobby to see if they are any non-mustard office-catering sandwiches i can steal. nom nom nom!

also, the next person who 'jokingly' calls me a lesbian is getting a kick, swiftly and possibly metaphorically, right into the groin area. and not because there is any thing i find offensive in the idea or potentiality of being a lesbian, but because their intention behind the label is displaced from the fact that i won't let them get their dicks wet in any of my potential orifices. fuck. you. i am not even a little kidding.

for REALZ

VOTE

please remember to vote today. i hope you did it before work, because that is clearly the best time to. i mean, you get to be late and blame it on the federal government! reason enough to vote, methinks.

now, if you are checking my blog on your iphone or G1 enabled android phone while waiting in line at your polling place, you gotta put that shit away because i am making you electioneer!

FAIL

i think i am too drained to properly do nanowrimo this year. that is totally a cop out and i have no excuse except that i feel creatively drained. i think i am going to instead challenge myself to write a whole 15 minute stand up act every day throughout november. i know i can do it, i've done it before. i am going to try to get up at some shows i haven't reached out to in a while either. i haven't decided whether i will put any of it up here. i'm always kind of torn about putting crafted material up online. it's a stupid fear, probably, and half the time i just don't think of it. and crafting a joke in 'print' takes slightly more effort than just dumping reguritiations of my feelings and excessive vitriol from my current life into blog form.

hmm... i've gotten to a place mentally where i feel like i need negativity to define me. that's profoundly unhealthy. i'm going to work on being a lot more positive.

thanks, reflective moments on the internet! thanks!

um, life (aka improv) update:
my 3 person team, castlemania! was randomly selected to be in the 3 on 3 cagematch tournament this year! right now we are scheduled on 11/20, right after powerhouse team derrick. it would mean a lot to the three of us (myself, nicole drespel and bridget fitzgerald) if you were to come that thursday at 11 and vote for us to advance to the semi-finals. also my current class, In a World... starts its run on 11/11 at 11 pm. you should come see the shows, they will be entertaining and worth your time investment.

conclusion

more of my nerdy improv friends need to watch house. it is a decent show em effers.

fortunately there is little to no photographic evidence of my escapades as dr. gregory house, because i'd working crew for killgore for basically a week straight and i looked like shit and possibly smelled as well. AND i managed to lose my whole damn make up bag at somepoint in the evening so i couldn't even give myself a 5 o'clock shadow.

in conclusion: there is basically nothing funnier than jim santangeli throwing a stack of dominoes pizza boxes in the air an shouting 'DUSTY!'.

now i am about to get ready to go out for a second evening of halloween fun, this time as legolas greenleaf, even though i said i'd stop being legolas all the time.

p.s. rebuying all my make up is going to SUCK. fuck.
OH SHIT. next year i am being the fifth element for halloween. badass. maybe i will even learn the divine language!

denmark, blood, tragedy (nHamletC)

they have giant m&ms with mint centers, like a junior mint.

they also have savory hard candies that i have to spit out after 15-20 seconds because hand candy that isn't sweet is fucking WEIRD.

the best danish candy i've eaten is a little rectangular sugar baby type thing; it's a little less chewy and sweet than your average american sugar baby, and i've eaten like 30 since yesterday.

denmark is crazy.

additionally, this week is totally insane for me; this past weekend i worked from 9-12:30 working tech and setting up the theatre for killgore, the messiest horror comedy show in the universe. last night we had tech from 11:30 pm until (fuck me) 3:30 am. i got home at quarter past 4. fortunately i made myself take a nap after work so i am not dead right now, but it's still not fun. we have the full dress rehearsal tonight, WITH fake blood (all rehearsals have been with water up until now). it's gonna be disgusting. everyone better come to this show and LOVE IT to make it up to my poor brain. the shows are wednesday, thursday and friday nights, and there's three shows each night.

this means i probably won't be dressed up or hanging out for halloween. i am bummed about that, but i can't see myself doing anything except going home and scrubbing fake blood out of my ears friday night. we'll see.

hayes

i just realized that ainsley hayes (west wing) and harriet hayes (studio 60 on the sunset strip) have the same last name. that's right, two feisty blonde republican characters written by aaron sorkin, and based on his ex-gf kristin chenoweth, also have the same last name.

come on aaron sorkin. really... come on! i know you have like 4 stories and 6 characters total, and i also know that i will watch them in whatever form you choose to distribute them, but really? you didn't have a different last name in the arsenal?

i miss discussing west wing with college friends.

i went to her elementary school

in honor of the fact that i seem to have mutually been written off and also written off 80% of my college career, here is an awesome fact about my hometown of uxbridge, massachusetts; the pissant, one-mcdonald's-having, white trash mecca, rural, twice the population of the capital of vermont small town that vomitted me out at the age of 17:

Given the important nature of the vote, the landowner and taxpayer status of Josiah's estate, and the fact that young Bazaleel, Caleb's younger brother, was just a minor, the townspeople voted to allow Lydia, "the widow Josiah Taft", to vote in this important meeting.^[10][1] Lydia then received Josiah's proxy to vote in this important town meeting. Lydia Chapin Taft then became the first recorded legal woman voter in America. Lydia Chapin Taft, now simply known as Lydia Taft, voted in an official New England Open Town Meeting, at Uxbridge, Massachusetts, on October 30, 1756. This is recorded in the records of the Uxbridge Town Meeting. Lydia Taft of Uxbridge became the first woman to ever vote in the nation.^[11][10] Judge Chapin records in his 1864 address to the Unitarian church, that, "Uxbridge may yet become famous as the pioneer in the cause of Women's suffrage".^[10] This was written 56 years before women's suffrage became legal in America. Lydia Taft's historic vote would precede the constitutional amendment for women's suffrage, which was in 1920, by 164 years. In 2007, Uxbridge may still become famous in the history of women's suffrage. According to Judge Chapin, the vote to allow Lydia to vote in 1756, was following the tradition of "no taxation without representation".^[10]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia_Taft

some of those sentences don't make sense, but hey; that's wikipedia for you. lydia taft, neé chapin, was actually born in mendon, and became a resident of uxbridge only when part of mendon was ceded to uxbridge. that area is where my parents now live; fuck yeah, route 16! another interesting* fact about uxbridge, and that whole area of blackstone valley, is that most of the towns were divided up into (sometimes formalized) villages during the industrial revolution. in one area, two actual towns border one another; northbridge and uxbridge. however, the smaller mill villages of whitinsville, north uxbridge, linwood and another one i always forget all overlap one another. and whitinsville and north uxbridge have their own zip codes and post offices, despite not being real towns. and they each have different property tax laws.

and you guys thought the weekend subway schedule in astoria was complicated.

i also went to the taft elementary school, although i believe that it is named after husband, not her. the tafts were a big family in early massachusetts history.

*not actually interesting

the sandwich was replaced

i went back to wichcraft and apologized for taking the wrong sandwich, and they made me a new one. and gave me fancy sandwich cookie; lemon poppy seed filled with blueberry jam.

and a cinnamon roll.

additionally, one of the people i support just stopped by and gave me REALLY fancy chocolate cupcake leftover from 'tea time' (she's australian). adorable!

the universe seems to be telling me that baked goods are an acceptable alternative to actual happiness, and i think i agree with it. them? do you address the universe in the plural or the singular? i mean, there's one, but there's also possibly (definitely?) an infinity of them. shit, can we really not get away from the trinity versus unity question, western intellectual thought? it's been like... 1800 years, at least.

i am going home shortly. i will sit on my couch for no more than 2 hours vegging, and then i will go to bed. it will be good for my soul, since my soul was forced to watch 6 full hours of improv but had a mere half a quesadilla for 'dinner' yesterday. that's bad, even according to my pathetic standards. sorry soul!

feelings are legitmate

therefore i am pissed off, frustrated, tired and out of sorts. i want to fucking punch someone. fuck. this might be because i haven't eaten lunch yet and wichcraft gave me the wrong sandwich, and i can't eat the one they gave me, so my blood sugar is at dangerously pissy levels.


a ton of sarcastic thanks heaped right back atcha.

if i can end this day with anything besides GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE i'll be ever so slightly less frustrated than i am now.

congestion

is terrible. and right now it's sitting in my chest, waiting until tomorrow to make me cough. LAME.

i need to buy cat food and litter tonight. oh and roach traps. YUCK. do they make cat proof traps? ugh i dunno. i hate bugs. and i need to go to bed early tonight.

i found an itunes library at work that has a bunch of the national stuff that i don't, so i am listening to that and trying to find the snl sketches i missed on saturday. i found amy's palin rap, which was badass, and the mcgruber runner,. which are always fun, but that's it.

i got some more work to do.

improv update:
my 600 class is going well. it's a very supportive group onstage, for the most part. apparently my new go-to moves are to assume that retarded people always want to eat food out of the garbage and to ask people why their dicks are out. and apparently there is no difference between the way i play a crackhead and the way i play an old drunk man. in my defense, i know very few crackheads. also in my defense, i was on some pretty serious medication to stop my body from telling me to pass out. SNAP - was i high? i don't think so. we are making solid progress though, i think, and i pretty optimistic about the whole thing.

i stayed out to see reuben williams on saturday. i hadn't seen them since DCM! what! that's nuts! i used to see them every week! it was quite fun. they also happened to do a deconstruction, which is the form we are doing in the 600. it was very helpful to see it be done by an experienced team. i am very glad our performance class has had a form in mind from the begining. i think it's helped us greatly to focus on a goal. looking at other 600s with a critical eye (and no offense meant towards anyone involved), i think many itierations have failed because of a desire to invent a form that reflected the goal of the class. i think 8 weeks is just not enough time to focus on goals of the class as well bonding as a group AND a performing team, to also invent an entire form as well. basically, i think improv teams invent forms when they trust one another and have a great dynamic - teams that have often been together, learning one another's playing style for a year or more. forcing the creation of a form is just that, forced. it rarely seems work well.

trust is an under-utilized improv tool, i think. people tend to appreciate it when it comes about, and extol its virtues, but rarely do they do anything to actively foster or create trust (thanks to nicole for reminding me of that) besides hanging out. and coming from a background of group-process study, i know how much simple trust tools can change how any individual feels about and reacts to a group. it's something i've been wanting to discuss and implement, but which i am not really in a position to do so. i think i need to start discussing it more, at the very least.

seeing shark tank perform on friday night made me miss performing with a team. they had a lot of fun out there with each other. sigh. plus they did a scene about the worst rollercoaster ever (i think it raped them at one point, and then ruined the economy); who doesn't want to be a part of that?

in other news i managed to stab my lip open with my thumbnail during a wild gesture friday night... while doing some silly bit. LAME TOWN, population: me.

adjusting

i have had glasses for about 6 months now. i am still getting used to them in some ways. it took 3 different pairs from www.zennioptical.com to find a pair whose style i love. i saw some interview with adam duritz, where he talked really frankly about his extensions (his dreads are and always have been extensions) and how the first time he got them, he looked in the mirror and thought 'yeah, that's me'. i sort of feel that way about my glasses. even so, i don't know what i would wear them all the time if they didn't help me see better.

going down stairs still makes me kind of dizzy, as i realize i usually just glance at them as i skip down; but if i try to with my glasses on, i see the stairs half sorta fuzzy and half perfectly. and i have retained this habit of pushing my glasses up into my hair when i walk into a store or starbucks, like i used to with my sunglasses. it's weird.

i don't remember if i ever posted it here, but i have a tumblr now too. sometimes i post there more often. www. rubysneakers.tumblr.com check it out if you want.

and now, for my favorite new internet meme:

birch beer

i found out last night that the astor place kmart stocks stewart's birch beer and i had kittens of happiness in the store. and then my head exploded into candy at the site of all the happiness kittens.

i brought one into work to drink with lunch and it's so satisfying. best soda. i think i used up most of my bonus meals my freshman year buying them from the diner.

the tomato basil with tortellini 'soup' (which i got to compliment the 'mozzarella and fontina but just kidding there's really no fontina in it' sandwich) is really just an excuse to put 4 tortellini in a serving of pasta sauce. don't get me wrong, i love tomato sauce, but for realz, bistro cafe? COME ON.

lunch was great anyway. BIRCH BEER.

i can't stop reading about the campaign and the debates. if you missed it last night, i highly recommend tracking the videos down. the whole night really blew my mind. mccain came off as petty and whiny, when he wasn't insulting obama's intelligence and then calling him elitist in the same breath (let's take a minute to remember who went to harvard and has a JD, and who graduated 894 out of 899 from the naval academy), he was jerking and blinking like the apoplectic curmedgeon he is. obama stayed SO cool, calmly responding to most of mccain's points carefully, completely and dare i say it? eloquently. that was some great television. and bob scheifer was great! really, and admirable and aggressive job with the moderation sir.

oh, and towards the end mccain confused autism with down's syndrome and then spouted a bunch of bullshit about no child left behind and i got pissed. good times.

intentions

i have intended to buy food clips every day since wednesday and have still managed not too. i suck.

however, i did write a sketch show yesterday. yes, i am serious. one of the sketches was already written, but i basically rewrote it to fit it in. i can't decide if i love it or if i hate it. so i am working on editing it now. i was going to edit it all this afternoon, but instead i bought the 'new' terry pratchett book, FINALLY. all books should be released in mass market paperback form first, 'making money' came out 2 damn years ago. there is actually an actually new terry pratchett book just out, but the damn thing is 16.99. FUCK THAT!!11

i was really looking forward to a nice night in, doing laundry and enjoying a delicious dinner. however, i felt terrible all evening and now i have no energy. i am still going to do those things, but now i will be real tired while doing them.

i just remembered i bought sweeney todd like 4 weeks ago and still haven't watched it. i am awful. yay night in!

time to switch to the drier! wish me luck.

rebound guys

i shot a teensy part for this a while ago, and the series is finally finished. hooray! great job, everyone.

take a looksy.

surviving in new york, and also, bits

i don't have any clips for bags of food. i've lived in new york for 2 and half years. in my own apartment. i lived by myself in college for three years, and i had a kitchen for most of that time. so how is it possible that i have avoided collecting this rather vital piece of food storage ephemera?

i think it's probably because i keep all my opened food in the refridgerator. including bags of chips. it is because i am deathly afraid of pests and roaches. which is basically really dumb because my roommate routinely leaves between 3 and 12 open and only partially eaten boxes of cereal in his half of the cabinetry, along with a helpful smattering of delicious crumbs and froot loops around the counters and floors. i choose to think that means that my respect for another's lifestyle choice outweighs my desire not to cry and scream in terror and not just lazy. i am also pro-choice and very liberal so i guess that is actually pretty internally logical of me.

and i, of course, am definitely part of the griminess problem, but i do make some effort. it's hard to make ALL the effort though.

and it means if we (knock on wood) ever get pests, i won't be the one to almost eat a cockroach out of a chip bag and subsequently find out, since my stuff will be in the refridgerator and therefore SAFE!

bits:

i met ryan reynolds a couple years ago (he's a friend of a friend, oh gosh i am SO cool) and he was really incredibly nice and funny, but also polite and extremely handsome. and he was totally into doing bits. i didn't call them that then, but that's what they were. being silly and playing a fun little game. it was really fun. i didn't think too much of him before that night, but afterwards i knew he was totally awesome.

i have a newish bit where i insist that i've written sitcoms about my friends who live together, even if they don't actually live together. then i sing the theme song of the sitcom. surprisingly, i've actually done it a lot to different people. it's always fun. i also like complaining about the casting, and insist that i wanted b-list actors for most of the parts, but that the studio insisted i use my friends instead.

i've been saying NAILED IT! alot. only when the bit is awkward or dumb to begin with, and obviously not working. alternately, assuring my audience that the random thing i just did was a 'REALLY good bit. like, really SOLID.'

FUCK i just got lavender ink on my new white sweatshirt FUUUUUCK. this is not a bit. damn it damn it damn it.

now i am doing laundry tonight. FUCK.

OH and my newest bit is one where i introduce a topic, only to end up only talking about a celebrity i've met.

corporate rudeness

so i wrote a whole big thing a few weeks ago about an incident i had at starbucks, where i nearly stormed out in rage. last week, the new starbucks i've been going to daily as a part of my 'new job' routine did an awesome thing; they gave me my drink, and then offered me, proactively, a 'messed up drink' coupon because they'd run out of caramel sauce and couldn't make the drink QUITE as perfectly as they normally do. it was very cool of them, and one of the many reasons i've made that one my daily starbucks place, even though it's tiny and pretty cramped. way to go, starbucks by the grand central market! you rock!

FORTUNATELY, levi's jeans and co. seems to have snagged the 'annoying corporate entity driving katey to fits of rage' title.

i need new jeans. i bought a new pair a few months ago, but they ended up not really working. they are pretty loose, and get much looser after i wear them for a day. too loose. also, they are really roomy in the thigh. i have weirdly small thighs right above my knees. i know that sounds strange, but my calves are somewhat bigger than my knees, and about the same diameter as my thigh until about halfway up my thigh. weird or not, (and it is, jeremy) most women's jeans are made much roomier in that area. so i went to like 4 stores on saturday, trying to find a pair. finally, finding myself at levi's in soho, i half blindly grab a few to try on. i did try on a pair of skinny jeans that didn't look TERRIBLE, but i was too bothered by the denim grabbing at my calves and ankles. finally i found a pair that i liked. don't LOVE them, but they were okay. i was still pretty on the fence about getting them, but i figured i would make a more reasoned determination away from the terrible pall cast by the awful dressing room lights.

i waited in line behind two people, still not loving the jeans, when finally the clerk calls 'next in line, please'. i step forward (after having made eye contact with him several times) and then suddenly he snaps 'MA'AM THE LINE IS IN THE MIDDLE'. he totally fucking yelled at me. i was scolded like a dog or an ignorant child in the middle of a fucking retail establishment. i made a couple indignant noises in the back of my throat, turned around, tossed the jeans on the nearest table and marched out of there. i even caught the asshole's eye as i was walking out, and he totally knew he'd just lost a sale. those fuckers get some kind of commission too. i was so mad as i was leaving, just wanted to commiserate with and or punch someone. and soho's a bad neighborhood to be in when you want to punch someone, because it's full of rich self-indulgent douchebags and their kids, clogging up the beautiful streets with their braying.

i dunno... i've worked at several retail places in my day, and i would never would have DREAMED of snapping at a customer like that, even if they deserved it, which i hadn't, because i hadn't even said anything. and i'd waited behind other people in my 'line', even though it was apparently a fucking crime to consider it a line. AND i'd gotten there well before the person in the middle had. what a douche.


in conclusion, i still need jeans. there's this website my friend sent me where you can order $50 custom jeans. i need to buy a clothing measuring tape but i think i will probably do that.

damn you, american eagle for quitting making jeans that actually fit me.

watch this

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

a literal 'translation' of the 'take on me' a ha music video. and one of the funniest things i've seen in ages.

i finished reading a book

whooooohoooooooooooooo!!!!1111

i was going to write a review, but now i don't wanna.

i wish i had a washing machine in my apartment.

so lazy

congestion is the worst. i really want to get some jeans today.

okay bye!

oh right, i am teching a show tonight at 10:30 at the player's loft right by washington square park! fat penguin hosts fwand! and then a mash up of the two teams! what fun!

katey needs

some dance music; a mix of older hip-hop hits and new shit. for tonight, before 8. a zip file of stuff would be best. www.yousendit.com is easy and free and not mostly in german. if you are able to help a gal out, leave me a comment with your email address and i can even walk you through the steps of zipping the files and using yousendit.

thanks it advance.

3rd also

i love british people.

one of my coworkers is so passionately british and it makes me oddly happy to hear her flip out about shit. crackin me up!

i just realized

i only know of one picture of david gray wearing glasses;

SO I ASK YOU THIS, INTERNET; HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM!?

um, if i haven't mentioned it before, i have a very strange attraction to glasses. and i think it all stems from one person in college. maybe it started before then, but i am not sure.

i am weird.

also. i still hate that being a snarky bitch who likes to be silly means that some people (it's always certain personalities) think it's okay to call you a snarky bitch. maybe it is okay, but it doesn't mean that i am okay with it, or magically not hurt by it.

2nd also. katie, if you still read this, drop me a comment or email so i know you haven't been eaten by nashville monsters, okay?

starbucks

has a new salted hot chocolate. i made a fool of myself yesterday morning, slurping and licking the small paper cup of the sample i was given. the top was DOUSED in caramel sauce, which helps everything.

i make excellent hot chocolate. with red pepper, hand cut marshmallows and other deliciousnesses if i have them on hand.

that's really all i feel like talking about right now. AWESOME.

notes from underground

that title doesn't really have anything to do with anything. i've never even gotten into any russian literature really, but that doesn't stop me from being obsessed with the idea that there are no articles in russian. HOW!?! i do not understand how that's possible. it sounds impossibly awkward and non-specific to my 'only english with a dash of the smallest amount possible of a romance language' - ear. i dunno. for some reason the notion of lacking 'a' and 'the' baffles me even more than gendered words, WHICH IS TOTALLY INSANE. i remember my language teacher in 6th grade telling us just to accept that there were male and female words and get over it, because there wasn't any good 'why' that we'd understand or that would be useful to us.

FAIR WARNING: the rest of this posting will be all about writing and magic and other nerdy stuff like that.

anyway, moving on. finished the first of my purchased books for research; alanna by tamora pierce. UGH. not particularly enjoyable, even for me. maybe it was just the audience she thought she was writing for, but it's really dumb. the language (and dialogue) is an awkward mix of "medieval"-speke and modern english slang usage. fyi, ma'am, no girl-disguised-as-a-boy page training to be a knight says 'I don't get it!'. yuck. it was written in 1983 so i guess that's an excuse. i dunno, it just really reminded me how fucking revolutionary the harry potter books popularity is going to to be on popular children's literature. rowling NEVER talked down to her audience, except maybe a little in the first book, but that was (imo) the editors / americanizer's doing. i dunno. i would never cut corners in a story anyway, i am far too long-winded and detail oriented for that, but i do need to learn to find a balance between exposition and moving through an important three month period of a character's life in HALF A SENTENCE.
[GOB] COME ON![/GOB]

i've decided on first person. i think i'm most comfortable with that. telling myself telling a story.

assorted sundries

i bought 4 young adult novels centering primarily on a magical theme. i am choosing to call them 'research' and not be embarrassed by them.

standing for an 1.5 hour show, then dancing / running around / standing and talking for an additional 5 hours now, SUDDENLY makes my back seize up. I'M SOOOO OLD!

i was told that i look like the youngest of my sisters and that i have translucent skin over the weekend (2 different conversations) and i had two of my weirdest fears (suspicions?) confirmed. le sigh.

it's incredibly nice to have someone you respect validate your talent, even if it's late at night at a ucb party, and it means nothing... really, it's still nice. REMEMBER TO MAKE PEOPLE SMILE AND FEEL GOOD. we have that power to do that for each other. let's fucking use it, humanity.

i still haven't watched the dvr'd debates. i'll try to make myself after work tonight.

fuck i am tired. but great weekend. kisses!

corollary cat post

i was attack cuddled as soon as i got home tonight. dinosaur's a pretty cool cat, when he's not being totally fucking cracked out. we're chilling out watching tv right now. it's a thumbs up moment.

now to get a picture of him being dune cat. he does it all the time, he stretches out with his legs underneath him and it looks like he's a sand worm. and he his face looks like a tiger when he scrunches his face up when i am scratching at his

am i a dick?

for not loving my new cat yet? what? he's new! i think he's really cute? we hardly know each other! i don't just start loving people willy-nilly! we've only had one real conversation, and that was about meatball subs! hardly grounds for falling madly in love with one another.

REMEMBER

• it's FUN! try your fucking damnedest to make the rest of your team laugh so hard that it becomes physically painful to finish that scene.
• i am now afraid of being predictable. sure, i should worry about being consistent before i worry about being predictable... but well now it's there.
• trust yourself.
• get a silver or copper ring made with the following stamped on the outside:

i'll take the moon
i'll take the sun from the starry sky
and decorate your nights with light

• and this on the inside:

i'm charged with the radiance of the dawn
that's been so long breaking

• to eat.

cats are so weird!

i had to be out ALL DAY yesterday. i left my apartment at 9 am and got back at 2:55 am the next day. having a cat literally flip its shit out when you finally come home after being gone that long is... well a reminder that you routinely are 'out' in the world for nearly 24 hours at a time. dinosaur sat on my chest and attempted to burrow physically into my heart when i got home. and then i shoveled his poop out of his litter box. he seems to be intent on getting at least one good, huge poop stuck firmly to the bottom of the box, every day. thaaaaanks cat!

also, he is utterly fascinated with my scooping his litter box. he sits and watches me like it's the most interesting thing ever. is this weird? are cats as interested in their poop as people are, when they are honest? eh, he's probably just trying to hunt my fingers.

fun improv night last night. in a jam, i had a tag out scene with gethard, and the intensity and honesty he put into asking a worker at victoria's secret to try on a thong but to make sure and stuff it in order to mimic a dick fitting into it... well, it was a mini-improv lesson in committment. bluvband yelled that there were snakes coming out of alan's bosom and then shot himself with a rifle. all around great times.

i am so tired. might be getting sick. loving this weather though.

oh and

i adopted a cat. from the backyard of a theatre where i tech and perform occasionally. obviously. i still need to bring him to the vet and get him fixed and all. his name is dinosaur. he's quite friendly, but we are working on behavior and stuff, and getting to know each other. his tail has a ton of attitude, and is way more expressive than his face. also he likes to wipe it right in your face in the morning. thanks, dinosaur!

honestly, this is kind of scary. i am excited, but this is the first time i've owned a pet that doesn't live in a cage, and which my mom probably won't steal away and keep for herself. it is making me realize how profoundly selfish i am at this stage in my life. it's pretty disgusting. i don't really do ANYTHING for anyone besides me. it's the katey show, 24-7. i think this will be good, being forced to be responsible for another being's life.

also, dinosaur's got SPOTS! and tiger stripes on his legs. god, he's the most badass cat ever, i can tell.

until we cut his little cat balls off, anyway. muahahahaha!! RESPONSIBILITY! AH AH AH!

name for a cat

douglas noel samuel adams-vimes

aka DINOSAUR.

problem: solved

i bought a fedora. halloween costume idea forthcoming.

halloween costumes

soliciting suggestions for halloween costumes.

to give some guidelines:

i was considering going as ford prefect
last year i went as a hipster (bleaah) (mostly so i could wear sneakers)
i have gone as the elven hero legolas greenleaf
i have also been hermione granger
favorite costume last year: guy as shawn from shawn of the dead. well done, funny and subtle without being 'ungettable'. i yelled after him what an awesome costume it was.


i won't wear a costume that is overly uncomfortable or pointlessly revealing or not-weather-appropriate. i would prefer a character i am familiar with. my hair's really too short to do hermione or legolas again.
i could maybe get away with granger, but i am not really feeling it.

i am willing to buy portions of the costume, but won't buy something premade. will totally crossdress.

go to it, the internets! provide me with a plethora of awesome suggestions!

remember TBA?

i remember my mom driving to whitin intermediate school in late july in our silver van, with various neighborhood kids as soon as we heard that they posted the next school year's class assignments in the window of the lobby. we'd rush to the window so we could find out who was in our homeroom and who the teacher was. that seems like a really weird and archaic system now that i think about it, but it was so cool when in middle school. in 7th grade i remember being so excited about my class; our homeroom teacher was TBA! mysterious! an unknown! she was probably young and pretty and wanted a new friend, a friend who was skinny and tiny and could tell her all about magical horses and wales and mythology and native americans and star trek! and the i was excited because my best friend kaitlin was in my homeroom class, again, as were some of the popular boys who i emulated and loved, and who, unlike the popular girls, were never terribly mean to me. not to my face anyway. i think we were called the advanced class, the honors and AP track of middle school. we were also the only homeroom that had all our classes together. for someone as socially ignorant as i was, this an incredibly good thing.

my teacher turned out to be young and pretty and generally sweet; although kind of dumb. it surprises me that i really knew which of my teachers were fucking idiots at that point, but i did. i remember my spelling teacher who wouldn't even read what lesson the words you'd written were for, she'd just walk around and put a check mark on it if it looked right. it took the class about a week to figure that out. i think we collectively did maybe 1/3 of the spelling assignments total that year, and just faked and recycled assignments for the rest. great training for the real world. and then later in the year, she baked chicken for the medieval festival on cookie sheets (which don't have an edge to prevent the fat from dripping off onto the coils of the oven) and started a fire. i had even told her we had to use real baking pans but she had ignored me. my history teacher in 7th grade, mr. allega, who was a very nice guy but whose primary teaching philsophy seemed to be centered around the proper way to gluestick drawings on construction paper. but the next year, in 8th grade, we had a history teacher who i still admire. he was from the catholic private school system and he DID NOT fuck around. you had to get up really early in the morning to pull one over on that guy. but he was such a great, if scary, teacher. he helped confirm my love for history, and drove home how much good teaching is really the teacher performing for the students. he was also the first teacher i remember being genuinely funny, although he could be caustic and more than a little cruel. he also liked me, which was nice.